Ewan McGregor

In light of recent shorts-related controversy here at Kempt HQ, some of us have been pondering the great gender-based injustice of summertime wardrobe options. While a man risks ridicule (and even threats against job stability) if he chooses to wear shorts to the office, a woman is allowed—encouraged, perhaps—to wear a skirt. The more sartorially adventurous gentleman may begin to consider a similar alternative to shorts… but please, before you make any moves we’ll all regret, consider our advice.

Herewith, Kempt’s rules for when it’s okay (and not okay) for a man to wear a skirt…

OKAY:

Someone has asked you to be his best man. In Scotland. Consider skipping the rental and securing a bespoke number. Keep it classy. At least until the after-party. (And obviously, if you are Scottish, anything goes.)

You’re attending a Halloween party as one of those Spartacus dudes. Good lead-in for photo ops with any ladies in Game of Thrones garb. Just be sure your abs are still in beach-going form first, and watch where you’re swinging that sword.

You’re off to a metal festival. Pockets to hold your cash, flask, sunglasses, caught guitar picks—plus a refreshing breeze when the sun gets as brutal as the blast beats… Note: if you plan to crowd surf, be considerate of the crew and do wear something underneath.

Ensiferum at 70,000 Tons of Metal

NOT OKAY:

It’s 102 degrees in the city and you’re headed to the office. And you don’t work for Marc Jacobs. (But even then…) The walk may seem less of a sweltering ordeal, but the risks here go far beyond those of mere shorts—sudden subway-grate gusts are no joke.

You’re going to Coachella/Pitchfork/Bonnaroo. Shorts will do you fine here. No need to chance a Tumblr scandal. (And leave the feather headdress at home.)

You are Kanye West. Sorry, Yeezus.

—J.R.

CONTRIBUTORS

  • Jessica Rusinak