Uncle Sam

Safe to say you let a few things slip through the cracks over the weekend – your driver’s license, your mother’s birthday, “weekend needs” from the boss. So you’re feeling a little out of touch. Confused. Vulnerable.

Your first order of business: hire a personal assistant for the day. Your second order of business: ask yourself these questions, study the answers, take a deep breath and prepare to reenter society…

Q: Can you believe S&P downgraded America’s credit rating for the first time in history?
A: After reading today’s editorial in the Wall Street Journal, well, yes. “Is there anything that Standard & Poors said on Friday that everyone else doesn’t already know?” At the same time, we’re with Krugman: S&P should hardly be considered an authority given all that went down in 2008. We also find it hard to believe that Liechtenstein, Guernsey, and The Isle of Man – all of which have AAA ratings – are better bets than US Treasury Bonds. Where’s Hugh Carey when we need him?

Apples

Q: Did you catch 60 Minutes?
A: We skipped “the softer side of Eminem” segment. But Jesus, Pelley’s piece on the mortgages? It’s almost too absurd to be real – the banks just lost all the mortgage paperwork and then, realizing they’d need documentation to foreclose, hired minimum wage high school dropouts to forge the signatures of Bank VP’s. By the way, did Andy Rooney die or was he just off last night?

Q: What time did the game end last night?
A: It was close to 1AM – and not a single sox fan left. If Mariano and Hughes can’t get the job done, the Yanks are cooked.

Q: Should I see the Apes movie or the one with Ryan Reynolds?
A: Well Planet of the Apes made $53M and got great reviews. “The Change-up” looks like a remake of Freaky Friday with grown men instead of little girls. You make the call.

—C.B.S.

CONTRIBUTORS

  • C. Brian Smith