Rick Santorum

2012 has been with us just a short while, but it’s already shown us some fairly outlandish stuff—starting with the mouse-destroying properties of Mountain Dew, the Rose Bowl and RIck Santorum’s sweater vest.

Here’s what happened while you were busy sleeping off that champagne.

THE IOWA CAUCUS IS UPON US: At 7pm tonight, the Iowa caucuses will name the first winner of the Republican primaries. Based on the latest polling, it’s a three-way tie between Mitt Romney, Ron Paul and Rick Santorum, but watch for a last-minute shift in public opinion based on Rick Santorum’s impressive collection of sweater vests and this tumblr pairing Ron Paul pictures with Ron Swanson quotes. May the best man win.

Rose Bowl

THE BOWL OF ROSES: Yesterday’s Rose Bowl was the kind of fast-paced shootout that makes college ball so much fun. Facing off against Wisconsin, Oregon came out on top 45-38—and, along the way, elbowed into the first tier of college football programs. The quote of the night, from De’Anthony Thomas: “I feel like we’re going to be more awesome next year.” We all do, De’Anthony.

Mouse

MOUNTAIN DEW DESTROYS MICE: Facing an Illinois man who claims he found a dead mouse in his can of Mountain Dew, a Pepsi Co. legal team has come up with one of the great legal claims of all time: Mountain Dew is so corrosive that it would have dissolved the mouse carcass into “a jelly-like substance.” Based on our personal encounters with Mountain Dew, this checks out.

Also, Nigeria declared a state of emergency and human remains were discovered at the Sandringham estate, the British Royal Family’s holiday retreat. So far, nobody’s arrested the Queen, but we’ll certainly keep an eye out.

A good week and a good year, gentlemen.

—R.B.

CONTRIBUTORS

  • Russell Brandom