We can say with relative certainty that four men had a rougher weekend than you: Billy Cundiff and Kyle Williams single-handedly lost NFL divisional playoff games for their respective teams, Mitt Romney coughed up a double-digit lead to lose in South Carolina (and, retroactively, in Iowa), and Italy’s least favorite cruise captain Francesco Schettino was charged with yet another count of manslaughter as the 14th passenger’s body was discovered off the coast of Giglio.

So… it could be worse.

GIANTS AND PATRIOTS ADVANCE TO SUPER BOWL: Both divisional championship games came down to the wire on Sunday, with the difference in both games coming in the form of epic fails from Ravens place kicker Billy Cundiff, who missed a 32-yard chip shot to send the game into overtime, and 49ers returner Kyle Williams, who fumbled in overtime after botching a kick return earlier in the game. As a result, it’ll be a Giants/Patriots rematch in Super Bowl XLVI and a really long off-season for Cundiff and Williams.

MITT LOSES IN SOUTH CAROLINA AND IOWA: Mitt Romney had a bad week. A narrow victory in Iowa turned into a narrow loss to Rick Santorum and a double-digit lead in South Carolina turned into a 13-point loss to Newt Gingrich. We’ll have a better sense of the severity of Romney’s slide after Tuesday, when he plans to release his tax returns. Meanwhile, Callista Gingrich still looks like this bird.

THREE OTHER THINGS:
—Thousands of Penn State students and fans attended a candlelight vigil for former coach Joe Paterno who died Saturday from lung cancer. It’s been a rough year in State College.
—Buzzfeed has revealed 14 Interesting Facts about Megaupload founder and boundless shitbag Kim Dotcom who was arrested on Saturday and charged with “engaging in a scheme that took more than $500 million away from copyright holders and generated over $175 million in proceeds from subscriptions and advertising.”
—Following up on our commitment to cover any and all “reentry” stories as a part of the The Reentry, conspiracy theories mounted over the weekend concerning the Russian Mars probe Phobos-Grunt, which crashed into Earth last week, though no one is exactly sure where.

May your reentry to the week be far less combustive.

—C.B.S.

CONTRIBUTORS

  • C. Brian Smith