The Gospel According to Kanye
Kanye West turns 35 today, which, if our math is correct, makes him two years smarter and cooler than Jesus Christ. (Case in point: JCâs sandals never sold for $90,000 on eBay.) Yeezyâs ability to break down the complexity of life into revelatory rhymes and 140-character musings is undeniably Christ-like. Or at least Bueller-like: âIf you have the opportunity to play this game of life, you need to appreciate every moment. A lot of people donât appreciate the moment until itâs passed.â
Sure, Ferris said it better. And quicker. And, well, first. But he didnât say, âNever do coke with an intern … they may not be 21.â Which, we suppose, is as close to a point as weâre going to come to on a Friday afternoon. To that end, we leave you this week with:
The Gospel According to Kanye…
Fashion breaks my heart.
You canât look at a glass half full or empty if itâs overflowing
You can basically say anything to someone on an email or text as long as you put LOL at the end
Why Halloween bring out girls inner hoe…I was sposed to type freak but I just typed what I really meant instead. LOL
There is no astronaut training for celebrity… even though this whole life is so outer space!
The way Kathie Lee needed Regis, thatâs the way I need Jesus.
Sometimes I get emotional over fonts
People always say that you canât please everybody. I think thatâs a cop-out. Why not attempt it? âCause think of all the people you will please if you try.
NO ALCOHOL BEFORE TATTOOS
My favorite unit of measurement is âa shit loadâ
How much is a shit load exactly? Iâm assuming itâs more than a piss load.
Man… whatever happened to my antique fish tank?
I make awesome decisions in bike stores!!!
I donât know whatâs better, gettinâ laid or gettinâ paid.
George Bush doesnât care about black people.
Fur pillows are hard to actually sleep on
French fries are the Devil
Classical music is tight yo
Black people can be the most conservative, the most discriminating. Especially among ourselves. It wasnât white people who said all black men have to wear baggy jeans.
But Iâm doing pretty good as far as geniuses go, and Iâm doing pretty hood in my pink polo.
May all your glasses overflow with fur pillows this weekend.
- — C. Brian Smith