It’s become a time-honored tradition for a son to give his father a token of appreciation on the third Sunday of June.

In our experience, it really is the thought that counts—whether it’s a card, a bottle of fine cognac or a steak dinner (every dad likes to celebrate differently.) But should you be feeling an extraordinary urge to lavish dear old Dad this year, we cut through all the noise (and Nooks) to help you figure out where to focus your attention—ranging from the gents at GQ to the ladies at DailyCandy to the geeks at Wired. It’s enough gadgetry, machinery and sockery to need a guide just to get through all of these gift guides…

Introducing Kempt’s Guide to the Father’s Day Gift Guides of 2012 (in order of how endearing you plan on being).

GQ’s “Ultimate Father’s Day Gift Guide 2012” (10 Items)

For a knowing smile: The stainless-steel jigger. Should give him a good chuckle (and you a good reason to make an unrequited Jay-Z joke).

For a firm handshake: The portable chair made of ash hardwood and bridle leather. Especially good for the avid bird-watcher and/or tailgater.

For a hearty bear hug: The Italian-made shotgun from Beretta. In case his avid bird-watching is often followed by avid shooting.

DailyCandy’s “Paternal Instincts” (25 Items)

For a knowing smile: Richer Poorer socks. It’s a cliché, sure, but one he’ll actually enjoy wearing.

For a firm handshake: Best Made apron. For the woodshop/grill/anywhere clothes get dirty.

For a hearty bear hug: Skagerak hammock. For the man considering his retirement plan.

Esquire’s “The 22 Father’s Day Gifts Dad Will Actually Want” (22 Items)

For a knowing smile: The Members Only for Target jacket. It’s probably time to replace his current one anyhow.

For a firm handshake: The BeerTender. In case his rec room doesn’t have room for a kegerator.

For a hearty bear hug: The Kiton tie. The old man doesn’t have to be up on menswear to know a beautiful tie when he sees one.

Wired’s “GeekDad 2012 Father’s Day Gift Guide” (24 Items, in Two Installments)

For a knowing smile: Skip the entire first installment of this guide.

For a firm handshake: Get him the Roku. He’s going to love it for catching up on Newhart reruns, but expect to spend the rest of the afternoon helping him figure it out.

For a hearty bear hug: Unless your dad is super tech-y, he’s not going to get too excited about this stuff.

Details’ “Father’s Day Gift Guide 2012” (9 Items)

For a knowing smile: The Handpowered Juicer. It’s a feat of old-school technology and good for a health nut. Or a man looking for the quickest way to a fresh-squeezed greyhound.

For a firm handshake: Barrel-Aged Bols Genever. It’s a Dutch drink he’s probably yet to try. (And a nice opportunity for you to do so, if you haven’t yet either.)

For a hearty bear hug: The Epson Megaplex Projector. Here’s technology Dad can get behind—because it’s drive-in nostalgia packed into a casing smaller than a briefcase.

Valet’s “The Father’s Day Spectrum” (6 Items, One Factoid)

For a knowing smile: Rattling off the stat that “the most collect calls of the year are usually made on Father’s Day.”

For a firm handshake: Brooks Brothers tie clip. It’s better than getting him another tie, at least.

For a hearty bear hug: Suntory Japanese 18-year-old whiskey. Because you can’t deny the staying power of whiskey for Father’s Day… and this is good stuff.

—N.B.

CONTRIBUTORS

  • Najib Benouar