emily1Every month, we thoroughly examine the contents of GQ, Details and Esquire, so you don’t have to. This month’s breakdown—starring Emily DiDonato (above), Tony Danza, wool ties, transcendental meditation, professional football, the Battle of Bastion, real Mexican food and a visual progression of Chris Hemsworth’s “serious face”—now.

Page Count

GQ: 296
Esquire: 216
Details: 242

Cover

0913-GQCV-hiGQ: Quarterback Robert Griffin III seems to be running the ball in football pants and a henley, which we can’t imagine would provide him with enough on-field protection.

chris-hemsworth-esquire-cover__oPtEsquire: Chris Hemsworth, or Thor, as he’s colloquially known, shows off some bolder checks for their annual Style Issue.

Tyson-Ballou-Emily-Didonato-Details-September-2013Details: For this Fashion Issue cover, Handsome Anonymous Male Model X embraces the beautiful Emily DiDonato. Surprisingly, we like the choice.

Style

GQ: Fall is in the air, and with that Aaron Taylor-Johnson shows us some bold-ass checks, Russell Wilson takes on the new fisherman’s sweater, wool ties make an appearance, minimalist chronographs are endorsed, and greaser style returns in full force.

Esquire: Before a perfectly thorough roundup of sport coats, dark suits and exciting everyday-wear, they proclaim with gusto, “[For] the first time in a long time, we’re wearing clothes the way they’re meant to be worn… and now is not the time to let that momentum sputter and stall.” Hear, hear, gentlemen.

Details: Where to even begin here… How about with a few recommendations? The coat by Lou Dalton on page 189. The Shipley & Halmos sweatshirt on page 128. Literally any of the black leather shoes in the spread starting on page 204.

Women

GQ: Anna Kendrick looking as radiant as ever.

esq-nicole-beharieEsquire: Nicole Beharie, costar of Fox’s new series Sleepy Hollow, delights us with her wit.

Details: Despite consistently letting us down in the female eye-candy department, Details ups the ante this time with Emily DiDonato gracing its pages in a style piece entitled “Easy Does It.” But then again, we already told you that.

Grooming/Fitness/Health

GQ: Josh Dean suggests we all take a crack at transcendental meditation. Allegedly, it’s what helped Russell Brand quit doing coke. Or, more aptly, it’s what helped Russell Brand allegedly quit doing coke.

Esquire: More meditation! Are we all really that stressed out that we need not one but two endorsements of meditation? Probably. Anyway, “Thoughts I Hope Don’t Creep into My Head While I’m Trying to Meditate” is probably the best piece in this segment.

Details: We’re told that the next healthy superfood is something called moringa, which might have a better shot of catching on if it changed its name to something short and snappy, kind of like, well, kale.

Food and Drink

GQ: Screw Chipotle, because GQ’s provided us with some damn tasty-looking real Mexican recipes from one of Mexico’s top chefs. Oh, what we’d do for some of that cochinita pibil right now.

Esquire: We’d love to read more of their “Eat Like a Man: Culinary Education Program,” but the pictures of food are just too distracting. Especially the crab cake sandwich. Holy crap.

Details: Milk is apparently “the mixer of the moment,” according to Details, and apparently, bartenders are clarifying it to use it as such. As long as it’s not chunky, we’ll probably give it a try ourselves.

Cars/Travel

GQ: It seems you can now get a 2014 Mercedes CLA for $29,900. Nice.

Esquire: On the other end of the spectrum, Esquire informs us that the $300,000 Aston Martin Vanquish is the “prettiest car you can buy.” You’re preaching to the choir, guys, we got it.

Details: We certainly wouldn’t mind a stay in one of these iconic tastemakers’ gorgeous getaways.

Sex

GQ: Tony Danza expressing his distaste for cutting a graphic scene from JGL’s Don Jon to avoid an NC-17 rating: “[It’s] crazy! You could cut her head off, but you can’t go down on her.”

Esquire: “Open relationships are a bit like e-cigarettes: Good in theory, but they’ll make you look stupid at parties.” The best simile we’ve heard all week.

Details: And now an excerpt from the new book of a former wannabe Catholic-priest-cum-memoirist: “I will take these ten thousand women to bed, one or two at a time, and get to third and a half base with them.” Uh huh. Sure, buddy.

Entertainment

GQ: Football’s the topic today, and we can’t say for a second that GQ isn’t thorough. The gents there take on the death of Junior Seau, interview both RG3 and Colin Kaepernick, offer uniform ideas for a London team and compare wide receivers to exotic birds, among other strong journalistic pursuits.

Esquire: The fall TV preview alerts us that Michael J. Fox will be starring in The Michael J. Fox Show starting this September. He will be playing a man with Parkinson’s. And yes, you will be allowed to laugh.

Details: More autumnal broadcasting this way, with their fall TV primer. But this time we’re excited about something a little less, shall we say, family friendly. Specifically, Showtime’s Masters of Sex with Michael Sheen and Lizzy Caplan exploring the depths of human sexuality as randy 1950s scientists.

Profiles

GQ: It seems Billy Corgan isn’t just into smashing pumpkins anymore. (See what we did there?) The whiny frontman’s now part of a professional wrestling company, fixing matches and everything. How strange.

Esquire: We just couldn’t care about the article’s content, but Chris Hemsworth seems to have grown increasing distressed over the course of the interview. Please see Exhibit A, below, for reference.
hemsworth

Details: The best-selling author—and overall bastard—Nicholas Sparks speaks of how he simultaneously redefined the male ideal and got an entire generation of men in trouble for not looking like Channing Tatum.

Serious Journalism

GQ: Matthieu Aikins gives an adrenaline-laden account of the Battle of Bastion, billed as the worst day for American airpower since the Tet Offensive.

Esquire: Taking advantage of our paranoia, Esquire ponders the security of New York’s Freedom Tower, and, simultaneously, our blood pressure spikes almost as high as its spire.

Details: Can a piece about jetsetting multimillion-dollar realtors be considered serious journalism? Nope, probably not.

—S.P.

CONTRIBUTORS

  • Stephen Praetorius