0429-KEMPT-May-Issues-HEADER-Lake-Bell-Esquire

Every month, we thoroughly examine the contents of GQ, Details and Esquire, so you don’t have to. This month’s breakdown—starring Louis C.K., Lake Bell (above), clowns, vegetables, lingual dexterity, meat, Matt Bomer, vintage topless, soccer, lip ticklers, Jon Favreau, colorful suede, Kris Kristofferson and a whole lot of funny—now.

Page Count

GQ: 146
Esquire: 146
Details: 106

Cover

GQ: Louis C.K., manhandled, looking lost and touted as “America’s Undisputed King of Comedy.” All right, we can get on board with that.

0429-KEMPT-May-Issues-1-Louis-CK-GQ

 
Esquire: Tom Hardy, scowling as if he’s about to physically destroy the reader. Which seems like something he’d be more than capable of doing.

0429-KEMPT-May-Issues-2-Tom-Hardy-Esquire

 
Details: Star of White Collar and HBO’s upcoming The Normal Heart Matt Bomer rocks a tan suit in what appears to be a desert setting. Fitting.

0429-KEMPT-May-Issues-3-Matt-Bomer-Details

 
Women

GQ: Ms. Jhené Aiko (below) is doing her best to make it in the rap scene. And our hearts.

0429-KEMPT-May-Issues-4-Jhene-Aiko-GQ

 
Esquire: The lovely and multitalented Lake Bell shows that acting, writing, directing and apparently ping-pong aren’t all she’s good at.

0429-KEMPT-May-Issues-5-Lake-Bell-Esquire

 
Details: As is often the case, Details is lacking in this respect. Not to worry, Katie Lowes stopped by Esquire to make up for it.

0429-KEMPT-May-Issues-6-Katie-Lowes-Esquire

 
Sex

GQ: Julia Louis-Dreyfus enjoys the company of a clown in what’s probably the most left-field photo shoot we’ve ever seen.

0429-KEMPT-May-Issues-7-Julia-Louis-Dreyfus-GQ

 
Esquire: This month, sex-question-answerer Stacey Woods tackles the tough stuff, like “that mint trick for oral sex” and “the seam on [the] scrotum.” Also, the phrase “butt plug” is in print. Come on, guys, tone it down.

Details: “Lick This, a new mobile site, puts your tongue through a series of drills—like licking the screen to turn on a light switch or turn a crank—intended to improve your lingual dexterity in matters carnal.” Seems unsanitary.

Food and Drink

GQ: Supposedly, vegetables are vying for the spotlight come mealtime, and chefs are responding in suit. Let’s try not to let the bacon guys find out, or we’re going to have a brawl on our hands.

Esquire: We’re normally fans of the gratuitous food photography here, but this shot of a skillet full of hash browns on page 42 just doesn’t have that Pinterest-y appeal we’ve come to expect.

Details: Back to the meat versus vegetables bit, Details offers a solution: adding meat to your vegetables, to make them taste just that much better. You don’t have to tell us twice.

Cars/Travel

GQ: None to speak of, but here’s the result of that Julia Louis-Dreyfus clown liaison. Undoubtedly odd.

0429-KEMPT-May-Issues-8-Julia-Louis-Dreyfus-GQ

 
Esquire: To “gauge the state of the American automotive industry,” three editors went to Detroit and drove 73 cars apiece over three days. Seems like a shoddy endeavor to us. But also, probably pretty damn fun.

Details: Apparently having run out of new cars to write about, we’re given a look at vintage topless SUVs. Not that we’re complaining—they’re certainly fun to look at—but the choice just seems a little… hipster.

Entertainment

GQ: In prep for this year’s World Cup, the gents have put together “The True Fan’s Guide to Getting Hooked on Soccer.” If the rest of the world can get on board with the sport, then so can we.

Esquire: Keep an eye out for Jon Favreau in Chef, coming out this month. Because, as we’re kindly reminded, there hasn’t been an out-of-shape movie chef in a while, and it’s time that changed.

Details: This is the third endorsement we’ve seen for Joshua Ferris’s new novel, To Rise Again at a Decent Hour, so it seems like a safe bet to pick up a copy when it’s released on May 13.

Grooming/Fitness/Health

GQ: Finally, the ’stache gets a real, honest-to-goodness endorsement—cautiously, of course. This one’s been a long time coming. Welcome back our lip-tickling friend.

Esquire: In this vaguely off-putting section written by the editors of Elle, we’re alerted for the millionth time that women prefer a man with a 5 o’clock shadow. Novel concept, gals. Thanks.

Details: A piece on extreme spa treatments outlines “Rectal Infusion Therapy,” which we’re not going to describe here because frankly it sounds pretty damn disgusting.

Style

GQ: Life of Pi star Suraj Sharma shows off GQ’s “30 Under $50,” an endorsement of the colorful suede shoe, and Dane DeHaan in modern power suiting.

Esquire: We’re really digging the idea of “The Upper-Right-Hand Corner,” which takes a look at the lapel pin/pocket square combo.

Details: This spread on different colors of blue suiting is visually one of the more handsomely shot trend pieces in recent memory.

0429-KEMPT-May-Issues-9-Blue-Suit-Armando-Cabral

 
Profiles

GQ: While we appreciate the utter zeitgeistiness of “The 15 Funniest People Alive Right Now,” we won’t say it’s not jarring to see that neither Amy nor Tina made the cut. Really, guys?

Esquire: Frank Turner, Kid Cudi, RZA, Kris Kristofferson and Tom Morello are given a closer look in a special section entitled “Esquire Music: The Impassioned Motherfuckers Tour.” Fair enough.

Details: Remember back when Josh Hartnett wasn’t so broody and disillusioned? Well, those days are gone, as you can tell by this Q&A. But that’s okay, as long as he doesn’t pull a LaBeouf.

Serious Journalism

GQ: Camden, NJ, has seen better days, but they’re hoping to turn things around via Little League. Kathy Dobie gets in on the ground to check it out.

Esquire: Get to know Elizabeth Warren. Because she might be Hillary’s greatest competition when 2016 and the presidential elections roll around.

Details: “The Life and Times of Dan Colen” takes a look at the artist’s less-than-docile past in anticipation of his two upcoming high-profile exhibitions.

—S.P.

CONTRIBUTORS

  • Stephen Praetorius