The Good, the Bad and the Handsome from the February Men’s Mags
Every month, we thoroughly examine the contents of GQ, Details and Esquire, so you don’t have to. This month’s breakdown—starring Keri Russell, denim on denim, underwear, meat, Aaron Paul, casual nipple, Newfoundland, no guns, Ghost, sex robots, urine, Anne V, and failed proposals—now.
GQ: Katy Perry, in an American Hustle-esque bathing suit situation that we just can’t help but applaud.
Esquire: This is the “Weird Men” issue, so Danny DeVito graces the cover looking, well, weird. Because, obviously.
Details: Breaking Bad’s breakout star Aaron Paul, looking stylish but also kind of grungy, as per usual.
GQ: In what’s probably the most visually arresting photo shoot in recent memory, Eric Decker and his not-just-a-little-bit pregnant wife show off the season’s best denim. Not that she doesn’t look beautiful, it’s all just, shall we say, unexpected.
Esquire: If there’s anything we’ve learned this month across the board, it’s that men need to care more about their underwear. Which in hindsight should have been obvious, based on what they protect.
Details: The gents do their best to instruct on how to pull off denim on denim, which reminds us:
GQ: Besides our cover-vixen Ms. Perry, Keri Russell does her part to heat up this mid-winter issue (below). Oh, and so does the casual nip on page 73.
Esquire: Beth Behrs of 2 Broke Girls tells us a joke, but it’s the stunning Anne V (below) that we just can’t take our eyes off of.
Details: Champion skier Lindsey Vonn graces the last page, but since we can’t find that exact photo, here’s one of our favorites from another publication that knows a thing or two about sexy.
GQ: Eight pages, dedicated in its entirety, to your penis. Big takeaway: try not to overthink it. Also, if something seems weird, it probably is, so get that shit checked out.
Esquire: The Guide to Winter Grooming on page 60 is probably the most thorough listing of how to deal with the nuisance of cold weather we’ve seen. Cheers, guys.
Details: Turns out, “peeing on a jellyfish sting can actually worsen pain. Vinegar and saltwater are both better bets.” The more you know.
GQ:And this week’s award for most clever article title goes to “Love Me Tinder,” an account of how Tinder is leading the sex-app pack.
Esquire: In a totally Japanese turn of events, our Eastern brethren are apparently giving up on sex. Because, and quote, “men can easily satisfy their sex desire artificially” via things like “sex robots.” Yup, sex robots.
Details: And now, from the same page as that jellyfish bit, a word you probably didn’t want to know the meaning of: urolagnia. Look it up, and then feel pretty gross for the rest of the day.
Food and Drink
GQ: The real problem with presenting engagement rings via food: “She could choke. She could choke and die. And it would be all your fault and you’d be very sad, and also very famous for doing something so stupid.” Take note, lovebirds.
Esquire: More wise words, albeit different subject matter: “The fact is there is no shitty beer—not unless it’s full of raccoon hair or rust flakes or listeria. It all just depends on what you want out of it.”
Details: Cognac is making a comeback, taking sidecars and even Dark and Stormy’s to a bit more interesting place.
GQ: This year’s iteration of “Where to Take Her” suggests Jackson, Wyoming; Bordeaux; Corfu and… Newfoundland? We were skeptical too, but then:
Esquire: Nothing really here this go ‘round. Anyway, Beth Behrs will fill the void.
Details: Turns out there’s an open-air group art exhibition in the Swiss ski village of Gstaad starting today. Because the best art is served cold and on top of mountains.
GQ: Kevin Hart believes that Ghost is an unbelievable love story, as in literally unbelievable, because no one would ever turn their back on heaven for a woman. We say it depends on the woman.
Esquire: Because of this exact moment, in which Jimmy Fallon joins Bill Cosby for a moment on the floor, Chris Jones believes that he has deserved his new late-night crown. And we couldn’t agree more.
Details:Don Cheadle, on how to make a relationship last for 23 years: “No guns in the house.” Seems simple enough.
GQ: On the secret life of Mister Cee, the DJ central to Biggie, Jay Z, Big Daddy Kane and countless other rap stars’ success, and how it became not-so-secret any longer.
Esquire: So many to choose from. Our favorite, though, is on Bob Dylan, whose management replied to every question with the same two words: “Next question.”
Details: Aaron Paul, obviously. But also a quick piece on New York City Ballet dancer Chase Finlay, further the notion that male ballet dancers are way more hardcore than we like to give them credit for.
GQ: With the Sochi games right around the corner, the gents take a look into the “Iron Closet” and reminds us that, despite all the bellyaching, America’s pretty ahead of the curve when it comes to gay rights.
Esquire: “Are you normal?” A survey of American men reveals that there really isn’t such a thing.
Details: Nothing to see here, unless instead of traditional journalism, you’re really looking for eight pages of raw meat, where it comes from and here to get it served to you.
In which case yeah, Deets has got you covered.
- — Stephen Praetorius