August. Tomorrow, it begins.

Which means one thing: a new crop of menswear mags has hit the newsstands. And, as always, we’re here to guide you through all 370 glossy pages of fall fashion, fresh faces and varying degrees of Olympic excitement.

Without futher ado, the August Issues.

GQ (136 pages):

We start off with an endorsement of the denim dress shirt. The gold-standard Cucinelli is markedly missing, though the RL Black Label looks like a solid stand-in.

News that Mark McNairy is collaborating with Pharrell on a new line. (We’ll wait while you act surprised.) Why did it take a photo of them standing next to one another to finally make us realize that McNasty is the Pharrell of #menswear?

Upgrading your shoelace game, always a good move.

GQ dubs Suitsupply “the JetBlue of suits” and that’s probably giving JetBlue too much credit.

Kind of wish we hadn’t just read this gutwrenching tale of a man and his judgment-impaired decision to manscape with a razor.

Really, GQ? Stop trying to make “himbo” happen. (In reference to the new Ferrell-Galifianakis vehicle, The Campaign.)

The brief history of pop-cultural poly-boobs is a testament that the original Total Recall was a masterpiece and nobody will top it. Not even the new one, with 25 years of CGI advancements on its side.

We’ve never seen a horizontal photo turned 90 degrees and upside down to fit onto one page. Why not give budding actress Tracy Spiridakos two glorious pages?

The 14 Most Annoying People in Your Twitter” piece fails to realize there’s such a thing as an “unfollow” button.

Interesting that the fall fashion preview is entitled “True Brit” and directly references London, yet fails to make the Olympics connection. We’re three-quarters of the way through, and still no mention of the single most important thing happening in the world during August.

Best sentence and a half of the month: “Trying to penetrate the veneer of the Romney brand is like trying to split a billiard ball with a butter knife. Getting anywhere close to him will require you to suffer repeated, soul-depleting exposures to his campaign anthem, Kid Rock’s ‘Born Free.’”

The monkstrap shoe (both single and double) gets a three-page treatment. We’re counting the days until this “exciting new trend” ends up in The Times.

Very last page, we learn of something called the “Olympics.”

Esquire (128 pages):

A diagram of a V-8 engine block set to the magazine’s points of interest. Cool.

Followed by a very early addressing of the Olympics. Well played.

And the editorial correction of a misspelled contributor’s name from last issue disguised as a timeline of the underrated insults in the history of Cleveland: masterful.

ESQ&A with Sarah Silverman. Wait—with this wordplay that’s nearly identical to GQ&A—we just came to the realization that if we had a Q in our title, we’d probably be inclined to do more high-profile celebrity interviews. From now on, refer to us as “Quempt.”

We meet Nina Dobrev, and spend the majority of the introduction making sure we know she’s not Emmanuelle Chriqui. Duly noted.

3D television might not be the answer after all. Something called OLED has been in the works for a while and is poised to be the answer to our next-level TV-watching needs.

Dolce & Gabbana is now making watches. Not as gaudy as it sounds—plus the ETA movement pushes it out of the strictly-for-vanity realm.

Always great to see Club Monaco’s Aaron Levine get some well-deserved shine.

Some great Olympics coverage for “the vaguely interested man,” most notably, this historical note: “John and Sumner Pine sweep the shooting at the first modern Olympics in Athens. While drinking from whiskey flasks.”

Jeremy Renner, actor house flipper. Gotta respect a man with a plan. (And a plan B.)

Ashley Greene. Apparently she’s in Twilight and likes to make fun of the Midwest. Let’s call it even.

Morgan Freeman is living the life you’d expect his character from Shawshank to have lived after clearing himself of all wrongdoing and buying a ranch in rural Mississippi.

This fall preview feels just as British as GQ’s but is made up of 90% Italian menswear. Go figure.

Details (106 pages):

Finally. The Olympics take center stage. Michael Phelps is on the cover. All is right in America again. This only happens once every four years, for goodness’ sake.

The most interesting part about the white wine spread is the inset on celebrity winemakers. Next stop into our local bottle shop definitely calls for some organic Malibu grapey goodness from Emilio Estevez and Co.

Road trips are always better with a purpose, especially when they involve sampling regional delicacies.

A nice Q&A with Chris Rock (wait, there’ no Q in Details?) that we wish could have gone a page or two longer.

Another Dolce & Gabbana watch—this one is dressier than the chrono yet still understated.

An endorsement of the denim jacket, which should become more practical in the fall months.

For all you four-eyes out there, here’s a handsome selection of horn-rimmed-style glasses currently on the market.

Finally, someone says it: it’s okay to sweat. Even better, science say it’s good for you.

Olympian workout advice time. (You, too, can be a decathlete!)

Michael Phelps, American hero and greatest Olympian of all time, take a bow.

And to close it out, Diane Kruger. (Who’s never seen an episode of Dawson’s Creek. Allegedly.)

—N.B.

CONTRIBUTORS

  • Najib Benouar