Kurt Suzuki’s fingernails are bright yellow because…

A) He lost a bet in the clubhouse.

B) Some bruises bruise brightly.

C) This is between him and Jobu.

D) None of the above. Because there’s no “painting your nails” in baseball…

The correct answer is, in fact, none of the above: Suzuki wears nail polish so that the pitcher can more clearly read his digital signs.

We’re strong proponents of doing whatever it takes to win. It’s also important to note that Suzuki is now playing for the Washington Generals Nationals, a perennial last-place joke of a team that currently has the best record in baseball. A postseason run is certainly in the mix, so why not do whatever it takes to make sure the pitcher (and any pilot who’s on final approach to Reagan National Airport) is crystal-clear on the fact that the man 60 feet, 6 inches away from him, downhill, is extending one finger or the entirety of his fist. Who cares if the team’s catcher can be occasionally spotted delicately blowing on his fingernails before batting practice? Whatever it takes to win!

On the other hand, Yogi Berra won a lot…

—P.D.

CONTRIBUTORS

  • Paul Dousset