On October 6, 1961, President Kennedy directed American families to begin building bomb shelters to protect them from atomic fallout in the event of a nuclear exchange with the Soviet Union. We now know that digging a 10-foot hole in your backyard and stocking it with two weeks’ worth of Spam will not, in fact, save a family of four in the event of a nuclear holocaust.

But that’s no reason to ditch the concept altogether…

Think of it as an investment in the psychosomatic well-being of yourself and the people you love. Errant coastal tornadoes aren’t a thing now, but if that ever changes, you’ll be prepared.

In the meantime, your bucket list has a soundproof playground. No one wants to listen to you realize your dream of fronting a Black Sabbath cover band. But that’s no reason to ditch the concept altogether.

Bomb shelters won’t protect you from bombs, but they make adultery a lot less tricky.

So go ahead and dust off those fallout shelters, ladies and gentlemen…

…because everything feels slightly better for a while when we convince ourselves that nothing is wrong.

—C.B.S.

CONTRIBUTORS

  • C. Brian Smith