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An UrbanDaddy Publication

Seinfeld Style, Slick Jeans and Wes Anderson

  • Kempt Staff

Urban Sombrero: Four Pins recounts the rich sartorial history of Seinfeld by recapping the show’s greatest fashion moments.

Salve-aged Denim: A high-tech clothing solution for a problem that we can’t be sure really exists: leg-moisturizing jeans.

Middle Man: The story of one savvy programmer who managed to outsource his own six-figure job for pennies on the dollar.

How Grand: The Hollywood Reporter, er, reports that filming for Wes Anderson’s next twee opus, The Grand Budapest Hotel, is under way.

A Gentleman’s Guide to Getting Drunk* with Your Boss

  • Kevin Gray

*Please enjoy this list responsibly.

It’s officially holiday party season, which means your annual office gathering is just around the corner. And with it: an open bar. Last year, you heeded the conventional wisdom, had a couple drinks, some non-memorable conversations with your coworkers’ spouses. Briefly ruminated on the inevitability of death. Ate some goddamn cheese cubes on toothpicks.

But last year, you were missing an important bit of knowledge—see, the holidays are a competition. And by pairing your natural ability with a little insider knowhow, we think you’ve got a good shot at winning. Everything. But to start, we’ll tackle the nuanced art of drinking at your office party.

Because let’s face it: you work hard, you like parties. This time of year is your time to get one-drink-less-than-dead drunk while singing a few lusty ballads with a choice group of like-minded coworkers.

So do it. And keep your job. Here’s how.»

Dusting Off: Intimidating Executive Desk Toys

Back in the ’80s, interspersed amongst various raised-seal accolades from Ivy League universities, stacks of (TPS?) reports and expensively framed photographs of family vacations to Gstaad and St. Barts (aka “the happier times”) were a series of curious adult toys and trinkets, more often than not mail-ordered from Sharper Image catalogs and the like.

Pictured here is the most ubiquitous of the bunch: Newton’s cradle (aka “Newton’s Balls”), named, of course, for Sir Isaac Newton’s conservation of momentum and energy law. By now, of course, the physics behind the executive ball clicker is no mystery. But in Gordon Gecko’s day, the contraption served as a vehicle to demonstrate intellectual superiority over potential clients or job applicants seated across the desk.

Click, click, click, click...»

Bobcat Goldthwait, Kerry Wood and the Glory of Quitting

We learned a lot about quitting this month, and from the unlikeliest of duos: Kerry Wood, the beloved 11-year veteran relief pitcher for the Chicago Cubs, and Bobcat Goldthwait, the beloved live-action Muppet from the Police Academy septology and a smattering of 1980s Cusack indies.

Like Velcro and thermal-papered fax machines, Goldthwait served his purpose and then had no purpose. So he quit. “I have been a game-show host, a talking puppet, and a Happy Meal toy,” he writes. “Being the man’s dancing monkey is fucking horrible.” Now, 30 years later, he has written and directed perhaps the best farce since The Naked Gun.

And it’s all because he knew when to quit…»

Dusting Off: The Hobby


As connoisseurs of history, we sometimes find styles, habits and turns of phrase from the past that we wouldn’t mind bringing back to the present, Doc Brown-style. This time around, we’re dusting off the hobby.

You can’t be amazing at everything.

You tried, sure, but part of moving into the adult world means leaving behind some skills to focus on a single area of expertise—ideally, one related to gainful employment. All the other stuff becomes more personal and less intense, with lower stakes and smaller rewards. In short, a hobby.

Or at least that’s how it used to work.

But something’s gone wrong…»

The Wedding Ring


A style can mean a lot of different things, so we like to embrace simplicity where we can find it. Which is why we’re big fans of the wedding ring.

Today saw a little healthy debate on the question of married men going ringless in the workplace, but we’re skeptical. In particular, we’d like to call up this bit of timeless wisdom: squirming is not a good look. And if your job is anything other than metalworker or drug snitch, you’re not getting out of this one.

We’re not such big fans of jewelry in general—and we certainly don’t suggest getting hitched just for the accessories—but if that’s where you find yourself, it’s one of the simplest statements you can make: “I’m married.” If that’s too much of a mouthful, we’re not sure what to tell you.

In Defense of the Doodle


Somewhere along the way, the doodle got a bad rap. Sometime between high school and your first job, the higher-ups tagged it as the sign of a distracted mind, something you do instead of paying attention.

But now you’re old enough to know: a little distraction’s not so bad.

A newly released study just put the doodle in a new light, suggesting that it can tie up floating attention and get you to a higher level of attention than you’d otherwise get…which means those sketch-filled meeting notes aren’t quite the mark of shame you might think. A little extra chaos in an otherwise controlled environment can do wonderful things.

If nothing else, you’ll get a whole lot better at drawing cubes.