Photography by Anula Maiberg

We’ve seen a lot of different vodkas, and a lot of different ways to package vodka. But it’s safe to say, this is the first farmer’s vodka we’ve come across.

Arising from an unlikely union of a Minnesotan agricultural co-op and the Phillips Distilling Company, the folks who brought you Belvedere and America’s first taste of schnapps. But what really interests us isn’t the pedigree but the packaging. We knew vodka was made from corn, but somehow no one ever put the two together before. We always thought of vodka as more of a tundra drink, but apparently not.

It also does double duty as both organic and kosher, for all the hippie Zionists out there.

Most of the tequilas we come across look like some kind of Tex Mex nightmare; occasionally one even resembles a good cognac. One thing we didn’t expect to see was an elixir of agave that could be a stand-in for ultra-premium vodka. In a crowded market, however, you sometimes have to think outside the box—er, bottle.

Thus we have Maestro Dobel, the “world’s first diamond tequila”, sold in numbered vessels bearing the name of the ranch the agave was harvested from. What the hell does “diamond” mean? Well, most aged tequilas of the anejo and extra-anejo variety look like they’ve been sitting around in oak for a while, which of course they have.

Maestro Dobel, a blend of the latter plus a spot of reposado, is crystal clear, however, the result of a “proprietary blending and filtration technique,” they say, that “gently expels congeners” along with color. Sounds like some kind of eel, no? Apparently it’s an impurity borne of fermentation that we consume all the time. Who knew? Who cares. But this is pretty good stuff all the same.

The venerable Van Hoo distillery in the village of Eeklo, Belgium has been churning out premium spirits for over 250 years, but their assault on America’s top shelves is just getting off the ground.

They recently gave their single estate, quadruple-distilled, charcoal filtered vodka a much-needed facelift, and it’s one of the best-looking and tasting examples we’ve ever had the pleasure of drinking way too much of. Packaged in a dashing Art Deco-style octagonal cobalt blue bottle, the yeasty, potent, and somewhat thick, syrupy spirit manages to mix mineral and citrus notes without stirring up a coup d’état; quite the opposite, in fact, a match made in some souse’s heaven. Not bad for a country where half the population refers to themselves as “Walloons.”

Celebrity brands are usually pretty dicey, but this one is just plain off-the-wall. Beloved Canadian Dan Aykroyd has emerged as the face of Crystal Skull Vodka, a line of spirits inspired by an obscure archaeological mystery. (It may sound familiar.) The vodka itself is fairly bizarre, the occult mumbo jumbo is surprisingly tangential, and Aykroyd comes off as either completely off his nut or brilliantly deadpan. We prefer our skulls with a little more glitz…but we’ll settle for this.

You can actually buy the vodka (if you need a glass skull for your mantle), but just because it’s real doesn’t mean it’s not a joke. The Ghostbusters 3 timing may be too convenient for us to take all of this at face value, but we won’t complain too loudly.

Hoax or not, it’s the funniest thing Aykroyd has done in a very long time.

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