It’s not an insignificant amount of work that goes into making Thanksgiving, well, the best.
And unless you’re the one who plans on spending their Thursday basting, mashing and otherwise preparing for that all-out food-for-all, then you better not be showing up empty-handed. Now, we’re not at all saying you need to spend a fortune. But in the spirit of the day, your hosts better damned well know that you appreciate them putting in the effort.
That’s where we come in. Having combed the Internet so you don’t have to, we’ve compiled some of the finest ways to praise your own pumpkin pie purveyors.
You could join the fray of rabid consumers... or you could catch up on your Kempt, with a few timely reads from the archives that should help you make it through the weekend—like some prescient sweatpants advice, football talk with John Elway or something magical we like to call T.Hanks-giving. Without further ado:
If you haven’t already, it’s time to get started on some epic gluttony, football watching and an appropriate amount of familial rabble rousing. Let’s also take a brief moment to recognize how awesome this photo of Marilyn Monroe is. (Sexy Pilgrims do exist!) Gentlemen, start your carving knives.
Thanksgiving Day is so close, we can nearly taste it. Mr. Hitchcock is so excited, he’s overcome his aversion to birds. It’s undeniable—the holidays are upon us.
Time to get started on a good six-week bender of reckless food consumption, unabashed merriment and some family-appropriate debauchery. Please leave the resolutioning and course correcting for January 2, 2013.
Which means, officially, that the holiday season is upon us. And while you might think it’s all fun, cuddling, togetherness and games... it’s not. It’s a competition. And we’re going to help you win it, in this new ongoing series we’re calling “Kempt’s Guide to Winning the Holidays.” (Catchy, right? We’ll be tagging it all, so you can find it here.) And for our inaugural post, we’re starting with the utmost basics: your holiday kitsch.
It’s also a good five weeks before Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, which has traditionally marked the beginning of holiday season. Target has suggested that its customers would welcome their extended layaway options this year and view holiday ads several weeks before Halloween as a welcome distraction from negative political commercials.
A bit of straight talk: if you need to purchase your Christmas presents on three-month layaway, you’re either shopping for too many people or shopping in the wrong store. Also, exchanging political ads for holiday ads in mid-October is like swapping out strep throat for a stomach bug.
It’s a fair bet that in about a week’s time, you’re going to be taking a trip of some kind. And since time is precious, you’re going to want to arrive ready for a solid session of food, drink and general carousing, with wrinkles in your clothes or fatigue in your body.
Over the years, we’ve developed a near-failproof game plan for pulling off just that. It’s not complex, but it demands rigorous adherence and an almost monk-like resolve. If you’re up for it, we’ve enclosed the three key points after the jump…