You'll know what we know.
There were a lot of bizarre spectacles this weekend, but they all fell into three basic categories:
Good Weekend: Eli Manning, Chevy, Mitt Romney
Bad Weekend: Ferris Bueller, Massholes, Bill Belichick’s sweatshirt
Weird Weekend: Tightrope dancer bouncing on testicles in Madonna’s halftime show
As gentlemen, we would never bet on the outcome of a sporting event. Luckily, we don’t have to.
Come Sunday, we’ll be betting on the outcome of the national anthem, the halftime show and the ceremonial pouring of the Gatorade. They’re part of a slew of online prop bets that have popped up in anticipation of the Super Bowl. And to guide you through the thicket of wagers, we’ve collected seven of our favorites, along with expert analysis of each one.
It’s time to bet the mortgage. There’s absolutely nothing that could go wrong.
Our seven favorite Super Bowl bets, and our wager on each one»
We can say with relative certainty that four men had a rougher weekend than you: Billy Cundiff and Kyle Williams single-handedly lost NFL divisional playoff games for their respective teams, Mitt Romney coughed up a double-digit lead to lose in South Carolina (and, retroactively, in Iowa), and Italy’s least favorite cruise captain Francesco Schettino was charged with yet another count of manslaughter as the 14th passenger’s body was discovered off the coast of Giglio.
So… it could be worse.
In honor of the playoffs, we couldn’t resist passing along this 1969 Sports Illustrated snap, which finds Joe Namath relaxing poolside with reporters in the run-up to Super Bowl III. Note the shorts, the fan base and the shit-eating grin. Eat your heart out, Rodgers.
The Super Bowl party is a marquee culinary event.
The menu requires a bold imagination and a month of preparation. Sure, you could go with chips, salsa and chicken wings. And, you know, hummus. Again. Or you could make a statement and serve up something as big and powerful as America.
Enter the 3-foot-tall, 319-pound, 540,00-calorie Absolutely Ridiculous Burger, now available for mail order from Mallie’s Sports Bar in Southgate, Michigan. You’ll need a forklift and $2,000 plus shipping, but, as owner/chef Steve Mallie points out, it’ll be more than enough food. “If you figure the average hamburger is a half-pound, going by that ratio you could serve, you know, 700 people.”
Go ahead and cut this one in half.
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Part One: “We Gather Together” — The Cosby Show
Part Two: “The 20 Year Callback” — The Newhart Finale
Part Three: “Delightful Accidents and Fortuitous Blunders” – Friends, The Jack Benny Program, Seinfeld
Part Four: “The Hams” Lucy, Gervais, Silvers, AbFab, SCTV, and The Mary Tyler Moore Show Ensemble
Part Five: “We’re in This Thing Together” – Honeymooners, All in the Family, The Dick Van Dyke Show, Roseanne
On February 28th, 1983, 121.6 million Americans tuned in to watch the series finale of M*A*S*H, surpassing the single-episode ratings record that had been set by the Dallas “Who Shot J.R.” resolution. It remained the most-watched television broadcast in American history until Super Bowl XLIV overtook it (in total viewership) in 2010.
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via LikeCoolElvis Presto is Involved: Video from an era when Super Bowl halftime shows involved 3D magic tricks and Solid Gold dancers. Still sounds better than the Black Eyed Peas. [Popdust]
The Legacy Pick: JPS shares a few snaps of Steve McQueen going clothes shopping. The man knew his way around a tuxedo. [A Continuous Lean]
Best Foot Forward: It’s time for you to make Viking shoes. Don’t ask why, just do it. [Boing Boing]
Stirred: Bond #23 has signed on both Javier Bardem and Ralph Fiennes for obscure, quasi-villainous roles. Add in Sam Mendes behind the camera and things are looking pretty interesting. [/Film]
The White Queen: Anne Hathaway makes a hat-filled appearance in GQ UK. [GQ UK]
Eyes on the Prize: An insider’s view of the Oscar race. Conclusions: Jeff Bridges and George Clooney are kind of awesome. [NYMag]
Glued to the Screen: A critical appraisal of this year’s superbowl ads. I think it’s safe to say they won’t be buying Dodge Chargers any time soon. [A.V. Club]
Regrets, I’ve Had a Few: Singing “My Way” in Thailand might just get you stabbed to death. Real Talk. [NYTimes]
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Miranda Rights: We’re joining the campaign to save the job of a banker caught looking at Miranda Kerr pictures online. Specifically, this Miranda Kerr picture. Passion is not a crime! [Boing Boing]
I Watch for the Ads: 38 Years of Superbowl commercials at your fingertips. [AdLand]
Chill Out: Empire names Batman & Robin the worst film of all time. Apparently, they’re just not fans of “freeze” puns. [Empire Online]
Let’s Get Lost: A gentleman’s guide to turning your iPhone into a small, pixel-y television. [Lifehacker]
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No Logo: The logo of every superbowl, including at six that have been won by the steelers…in case you’ve forgotten. [NotCot]
Ad-tion: Gawker’s top five superbowl ads of all time, sadly devoid of sassy CGI animals. [Gawker]
Fast Cars: Kanye goes to Paris…or should we say KANYE GOES TO PARIS!!!! [Kanye West]
This is the Story of the Murricane: Bill Murray gets a signature cocktail. [NYTimes]
We have a lot of love for Bruce Springsteen, so it’s hard for us to see him flub a crotch slide on national TV. But if we were to take one lesson away from the experience, it would be the following: never do anyhing that might end up reenacted on YouTube.
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