Welcome to Kempt's Field Guide, in which our resident MacGyver and in-house shuffleboard pro, Jason Wire, offers practical solutions to all life's gentlemanly quandaries.
Every night, the same dream.
It’s early evening. Your home is filling with friends. You’ve just taken the Duke of Windsor’s jacket and offered him a glass of pinot when you realize: there’s not a corkscrew, wine key or crazily complicated robotic wine opener in sight.
What do you do? In real life, you keep calm, draw on your knowledge of physics and carry on. And give this list a read, just as a refresher. (In the dream, you... well, keep that to yourself.)
Kempt’s in-house Constitutional scholar and beard expert Dan McCarthy told us he wanted to go shoot a lot of guns. Who were we to argue?
In the never-ending quest to become a well-rounded man, there are a number of skills you need—changing a flat tire, mastering the bow tie, the secrets of the perfect quiche, riflery. In that spirit, when the opportunity arose to lose my firearm-discharging virginity, I cracked a few knuckles, did some light stretching and plunged right in.
The result: a couple of hours spent in a Second Amendment funhouse in Manchester, New Hampshire, presented here as an easily referenced and by no means comprehensive Gentleman’s Guide to Shooting a Gun. Think of it as something to keep in mind should the zombie Armageddon ever happen, and you find yourself suddenly thrust into the hero role.
First, the obvious: we don’t actually endorse stealing cars. But still, it’s nice to know that in a pinch, all you need to do to escape your pursuers is shimmy the lock of the nearest parked car, reach under the dashboard, connect a couple of wires and peel out just in time to wink at the goon coming around the bend, gun in hand.
Sure, he’d probably shoot out the rear windshield, but we all know those bullets never hit anyone.
So in the spirit of nostalgia, we’ve put together a quick guide to hot-wiring, along with the ideal circumstances under which you’d be doing it. Use this information only for good...