The Beard Next Door: The Christian Right has been searching for a “cure” for homosexuality for decades. Hayden Christensen discovered Rachel Bilson in a fraction of that time. [Gawker]

Candy Ass: The Naked Cowboy doing well in his suit against chocolatier, still regrettably underclothed. [NyMag]

What Chu Talkin’ Bout?: Still button-cute, Gary Coleman proves there’s a 22-year-old girl redhead out there for everyone. Aww. [NYPost]

Hallelujah: Christian sex toys—well fancy that. [NPR]

Throwing Gas: Roger Clemens embarrasses himself before Congress, then testifies. [Magnificent Bastard]

“Fly My Pretties! Fly!”: Channeling The Wizard of Oz, Gareth Pugh sics flying monkeys on London. [FemaleFirst UK]

Tid Bites: Forget the sublime notebooks and cheeky mittens—Kate and Jack Spade’s best debut during Fashion Week was the Smurf-sized breakfast. [Hamish Robertson]

American Apparel

She Was a Young American: Come for the impassioned defense of American Apparel mastermind Dov Charney. Stay for the sexpolitative photography. [Radar]

Fancy a Game of Footy?: Solid unisex, yes unisex, kicks from Jonathan Saunders and Goa. [JC Report]

Francophila: French women - now more sexual than ever. C’est Magnifique! [Time]

Changing Seasons: In Spring, a young man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of seersucker. [A Suitable Wardrobe]

Our Girl Friday: It’s been a long workweek. Don’t you think you deserve two minutes of Rachel Bilson being impossibly cute? [Nylon]

Sex Change: The TMagazine site has switched over from women’s fashions and a shot of Natalie Portman to a George Clooney pic and menswear stores, which is pretty much an even trade. [The Moment]

Unintelligent Design: A sartorial history of the cinematic caveman. [The Globe and Mail]

Caught Red Handed: Pikey Colin Farrell tried to steal someone else’s model girlfriend because, hey, why not? [NYPost]

Courtly Love: Our favorite low-tops ever go back to their roots. [Hypebeast]

Portland Cares: Mr. T-related art is found to be more valuable than non-Mr. T-related art. [Boing Boing]

LVMHTMMJ: Louis Vuitton’s new print will be a camo-inspired collab with Marc Jacobs and Takashi Murakami. Somewhere in Los Angeles, Kanye cries tears of joy. [Fashion Week Daily]

The O.G.: Rachel Bilson expands her expertise to include designing jeans. [My Fashion Life]

Bubble Pit: Sony fills a Miami street with foam for no apparent reason. [Josh Spear]

Our #2 Export: The possibilities of polluting the world with lameness. [PSFK]

The Great Pants War: Two competing revolutionaries, Bonobos and Cordarounds, square off against the “Soviet Bloc” of vertical corduroy with the introduction a horizontal variation on the classic fabric. Watch out for the crossfire. [VanityFair.com]

The Long Haul: Back off you vultures. Giorgio Armani ain’t going nowhere. [WWD, 2nd item]

Russian Male-Order Bride: Iron-fisted autocrat beloved legally elected Federation President Vladimir Putin tries his best to emulate Nicolas Sarkozy’s recent marital success. Fails. [Gawker]

Wigging Out: Unofficial Kempt mascot Rachel Bilson plays blonde for a day. [Egotastic]

Loop de Loop: Harajuku t-shirt maker does it oldschool. [PSFK]

More Celebrity Stink: James Franco, who we actually like, will be the face for Gucci’s latest scent. [Luxist]

Boob Tube: Because he hasn’t reached complete market saturation, Tommy Hilfiger will soon have his own TV channel. [DNRNews]

Madras Explosion: Ahh! Our eyes! Our eyes! [A Suitable Wardrobe]