The January issue of Esquire does its readers a grave disservice in the innocent guise of giving advice about getting one’s ladyfriends liquored up. In its typical smarmy, overly-verbose style, the magazine’s “Man At His Best” section offers a primer on cognac, capped with the following: “The January Dilemma No. 1: Your Date, Though Curious, Doesn’t Want to Sip Cognac Neat.” It goes on to suggest feeding the unsuspecting female an emetic concoction consisting of cognac and cr‚àö¬Æme de menthe. They don’t give it a name, but we think “The Ipecac” suits it perfectly. The mag also inexplicably counsels readers to use perfectly good Rémy Martin Louis XIII for the mixture, which at $1,500+ per bottle is a little pricey to be dumping a bunch of mouthwash into.

The Kempt solution »

Tall Story: Kimora Lee Simmons is as much a “corrections officer” as she is a “designer”. [The Newspaper]

Oui, Oui: Reports from Paris fashion week. [DNRNews]

Window Dressing: In Amsterdam, storefront prostitutes are being replaced by mannequins and some are noticing the difference. [London Times]

Dita Von Teese Wonderbra: Is all you need to know. [Vogue UK]

Fleet Afoot: One shoe in seven minutes. [A Suitable Wardrobe]

Almost There: Coming Soon is coming, soon. [Material Interest]

Department of Orthopedics: Tom Brady, spotted in a walking cast yesterday, is now walking tall and visiting Earnest Sewn after spending time with paramour extraordinaire Giselle Bunchen. Seems on top of everything else, the woman has miraculous healing powers.[NYPost]

Fashion is MAGIC!!!: If by “magic” you mean walking the Vegas Convention Center listlessly for hours on end, then, yes, it is magic. [Fibre2Fashion]

Model Abuse: Galliano flagrantly disregards the Geneva Convention. [The Moment]

French Tips: More trends at Paris Fashion Week. [AFP]

Public Support: It’s been said Vietnam was lost when Walter Cronkite declared it a stalemate. Similarly, Brit anchor Jeremy Paxman is rallying a nation against sagging drawers. [Life and Health]

Gang Signs: Wu-Tang brand necklaces, rings and earrings for you, your crew and all them hos. [Freshness Magazine]

Louis’ Lucre: In other Hip-hop bling news, take a gander at Pharrell’s Louis Vuitton jewelry line. [High Snobiety]

Brownie Points: Refinery29 begins their newest countdown video series with Mr. Thom Browne. [Refinery29]

LeBron Shoots: King James takes his career—and Tom Brady’s girl—in his hands by posing next to Gisele “Game Killer” Bundchen on the cover of Vogue. [NYMag]

Land War: Join the fight as Diesel and Tommy Hilfiger battle for control of Manhattan in a Fifth Avenue cage match to the death. [Antara and DNRNews]

Girls Dressing Boys: Liz Claiborne and Donna Karen International are teaming up on a new DKNY line. Neither Donna or Liz will be involved as they are retired and dead - respectively of course. [Reuters]

Fashion Capital: The fashion industry is already chasing after New York’s awesomely non-disgraced new Governor. [DNRNews]

Spank Rock: An Irish “Sperm for Tickets” scheme gets way out of hand. Sorry about that. [NME via Radar]

Paris, je t’aime: Next time you’re strolling by the Seine, pop into the stunning April 77 store. [Refinery 29]

The French brand Kitsune caught our eye with their spring collection, shown above. The name is Japanese for “fox”—hence the logo—and the designs are suitably multicultural. (For instance, the collar on that dress shirt seems distinctly Asian.) The brand doubles as an electronic music label, leading to one of the more confusing websites we’ve seen in some time.

They opened a flagship store in Paris a few weeks ago— 52 rue de Richelieu, for the curious—that will focus as much on their music as their clothing.

More on the French Fox»

Velvet slippers have been venturing farther and farther outdoors lately. We’ve seen them come from sneaker companies and on the heels of a MOTH, but it’s always best to go to the source. And in this case, the source is England.

Shipton & Heneage’s only retail stores are across the sea (Paris and London, to be specific), but you can get these bespoke slippers well enough through the mail…even if that means you have to get measured stateside. They’ll even throw in the extra-British touch of sewing your family seal over the toes. (Judging by the two-headed eagle, this gentleman’s a Habsburg.)

How to wear a velvet slipper»

Nautical duds are nothing new, but we’re always glad to see a good idea take root.

In this case, that means Mister Freedom, a Paris-by-way-of-Los-Angeles marque, is releasing a line based on the ten years their mascot spent sailing the Indian Ocean. It’s all fiction, naturally, but they go as far as titling the line “The Last Cruise, the Salty Years,” which certainly rolls off the tongue better than “spring/summer ’09.”

As you might imagine, the clothes are pretty thoroughly broken in, but they’re also impressively well-chosen, ranging from peacoats circa 1910 to replicated U.S. Navy “jungle cloth” that was phased out in 1950. Not bad for archival work, but we still can’t see a deck hat without thinking of Gilligan…

See the line here»

Trim sweaters have been in style for a bit too long, so it’s no surprise that the floppy backlash is beginning.

It’s starting in Italy (as evidenced by this genuinely puzzling Dolce & Gabbana knit) but, according to the latest International Herald Tribune, we can count on it reaching the states in one version or another by this time next year. Hopefully by then it will have shed some of that golden fleece…but even that won’t be enough to change our minds.

Why we’re so pessimistic»

The Paper Chase: Another day, another tasteful wallpaper. [NotCot]

Oh Lydia: Lydia Hearst joins the blogger ranks. Good to know it’s still possible to break into media. [Gawker]

The Parisian Job: A fast-paced jewel heist goes fabulously right. As a bonus, the article begins with the sentence, “Their timing was as impeccable as a tourbillon watch, a luxury timepiece whose name means whirlwind.” Definitely one for the record books. [NYTimes]

Such a Hamm: Jon Hamm and Zach Galifianakis take public access discomfort humor to new levels. [White Lightning]

We haven’t been keeping up with Carla Bruni and Nicolas Sarkozy much lately—to be honest, once they got married, we lost the spark—but a lucky documentarian is about to catch us up.

Tomorrow in Paris, the spectacularly fortunate Scottish filmmaker George Scott is premiering an 80-minute documentary on the couple that follows the French power couple from their first meeting through their eventual marriage, with apparently unrestricted access.

Naturally, it’s already tabloid fodder (via The Cut), but the surprising thing is how much access he seems to have gotten. Early reports have him filming the couple nuzzling and taking a tour of the Elysee palace. Anyone hitting the Parisian film festival circuit should feel free to drop us a line, but otherwise we’ll have to wait until it crosses the Atlantic.

Street art has been one of New York’s highlights since the old Keith Haring days, but we haven’t been as good keeping up with the Paris scene. But these days, there’s always someone keeping an eye on things.

The fine folks at Wooster Collective just put us onto a colorful new tagger called FKDL who’s been leaving his mark everywhere from Turing to Queens. He mostly deals with silhouettes over neon-colored backgrounds, with a little bit of newsprint collage for texture and a lot of attention to the human figure…which we’ve always been a fan of.

Here’s hoping he doesn’t start his own a t-shirt shop for a while.

Take a peek at the streets of Paris»

It’s been a while since we heard from the Parisian boutique/electropop label Kitsune, but they made it back onto the radar with this collarless Harrington jacket.

The real masterstroke here are the blue and white stripes—look close—that keep it from being just another Member’s Only knockoff…which Paris certainly doesn’t need any more of.

No Logo: The logo of every superbowl, including at six that have been won by the steelers…in case you’ve forgotten. [NotCot]

Ad-tion: Gawker’s top five superbowl ads of all time, sadly devoid of sassy CGI animals. [Gawker]

Fast Cars: Kanye goes to Paris…or should we say KANYE GOES TO PARIS!!!! [Kanye West]

This is the Story of the Murricane: Bill Murray gets a signature cocktail. [NYTimes]

Travel is one of the finest uses of leisure…but leisure’s pretty hard to come by these days. Luckily there are always a few photographers on the case.

Max Wanger has taken what used to be called a Gentleman’s Tour of Europe, skipping between Paris, Rome and Florence (and Tokyo for good measure) and coming back with a set of pictures that use the location to the greatest effect.

If you were wondering what the Parisian kids are up to these days, this would be the easiest way to find out.

See more of the tour»

One of the brilliant things about personal style is it can float along independent of trends.

Most designers would never let a jacket this baggy onto a runway. But while the rest of the fashion world is busy trimming the sag off their cardigans, this Parisian gentleman is off refining his own rumpled look, thanks to a baggy blazer, a few loose scarves, and a perfectly grizzled beard.

And, for the moment at least, he has a style all to himself.

It’s been a while since we heard anything from Rick Owens, but apparently Men.Style hasn’t forgotten last decade’s Marc Jacobs. They stopped by Mr. Owens’ Parisian flat to condense his style wisdom into ten simple rules.

As you might have guessed, some of them are better than others.

For instance, ponder this one at #4: “When a suit gets middle-of-the-road it kind of loses me—it has to be sharp and classic and almost forties.” We were with you until the 40s part, Rick…

We catalog Mr. Owens’ wisdom»

We’ve always been a little wary of denim shirts without being able to say quite why, but this might nail it down for us.

Up until now, the shirts have been a little too “western ranch” and not nearly enough “island prison.” Leave it to Paris to finally correct the error.

We were digging through our magazine pile when we belatedly ran across the Wall Street Journal’s magazine profile of LVMH honcho Bernard Arnault, which is amazing mostly as a masterpiece of diplomacy. The Journal is just getting its WSJ fashion periodical on its feet, and the last thing they need is to tick off the richest man in France.

As a result, there’s nothing too juicy, but we did get a peek at an old rivalry we’d almost forgotten about. This one concerns two French luxury giants tussling over an iconic Italian brand, only to stage an uneasy reunion over their shared love of money. It’s heady stuff—in fact, we’re working on the movie version already.

The dramatic machinations of Bernard Arnault»

William Eggleston usually traffics in southern languor, so it should be interesting to see what he makes of the more continental variety…

The seminal photographer took a trip to Paris at the urging of the Foundation Cartier, and the resulting pictures make up his latest monograph, simply titled Paris. The city’s as iconic as it ever was, but these shots focus more on smaller moments and offhand framings. There are even a few drawings thrown in the mix to enforce more casual feel, which suits Eggleston just about perfectly.

After all, he’s only passing through.

Mother’s day offers a reliable conundrum: How do you adequately express your filial affection in the absence of your usual “girlfriend” standbys? We suggest something perfumed and French.

Diptyque is a Parisian firm that’s been a favorite for maternal gifts for upwards of 40 years. There are a few manlier options too, like the Southeast Asian Tam Dao shower gel, but at the moment your mind is probably on gifts. You can pick up a candle or two here or stop by one of their boutique outposts if you want to check out the goods in person. They’ve got outposts in New York, London, Paris, San Francisco and Qatar. Just be sure to add an appropriately heartfelt note.

Anyone wondering what Takashi Murakami would be up to next should start booking a flight. In Paris on the 15th, he’ll be exhibiting his first show of new work since a slew of retrospectives last year. There won’t be any Louis Vuitton, but Kanye should be well represented: out of 17 works, three will be statues of Kanye’s notorious bear figure. Well played, Mr. West.