And since there are a multitude of different follicular shapes your burgeoning lip tickler might develop into—as well as ones you might be tempted to mold it into—we’ve put together this handy guide on the appropriateness of your soup strainer of choice.
Last weekend, we were lucky enough to catch an advance screening of Wes Anderson’s latest opus, The Grand Budapest Hotel, due to hit theaters next Friday.
Stylistically, it was awesome—which came as no surprise, given the director’s personal track record of impeccable style. But there was one distinctly Andersonian quirk that stood out most this go-round: the facial hair. Period-accurate to a tee, the film is littered with triumphant upper-lip ticklers that would put most Brooklynites’ to shame, including a particularly impressive Chester A. Arthur–like situation on one Mr. Bill Murray. But you don’t have to take our word for it, because we’ve rounded up some stills for you ahead of the release.
We’ve seen a sharp rise in the semiserious celebration of the mustache—from finger tattoos, to the charitable monthlong growing contest known as Movember—and all this time we thought it was a relatively new phenomenon...
Until we stumbled upon this cache of photos from the inaugural meeting of the “Handlebar Club” at London’s Windmill Theatre. In 1947. That’s right, a slapstick crew of mustachioed men began a club dedicated to mustaches (beards strictly disallowed) nearly 70 years ago. They even went so far as to print mustaches on their silk ties (somebody write that idea down). Not to mention, it’s a surprisingly handsome lot of hirsute upper lips—which we’ll assume took longer than a month to grow.
We’ve always believed that every American has the right to let their facial hair flourish. But despite our follicular freedoms as Americans, Disney has used its muscle as an employer to keep the Magic Kingdom an entirely beard-free zone... at least, until now.
It sounds like good news, but we don’t quite see it that way. Sure, it’ll be great to see a few ’staches wandering the grounds of Epcot, and it definitely counts as a win for beard respectability worldwide—but as long as the Disney brass continues to play Steinbrenner, we’re going to have a problem with it. There’s nothing sadder than being a man forced to shave his sideburns by a shift supervisor—especially if the supervisor in question is dressed as Mickey.
John Huntsman dropped out of the race for the White House yesterday after a poll indicated he would likely receive fewer votes than Yosemite Sam. Pundits were quick to pontificate on Hunstman, but everyone seems to have missed the real story coming out of South Carolina…
We don’t like breaking the hearts of our readers, but TMZ is reporting that Hulk Hogan is shaving his trademark mustache.
The iconic blond handlebar has lorded over Hogan’s face like a peroxided Arc de Triomphe during his 12 runs as a world heavyweight wrestling champion (and oddly, as owner of the most popular 900 number from 1991-93). But as much as it hurts, we’re going to give this news a tentative endorsement.
We hesitate to spend too much time parroting in and around Margaritaville these days, but we’ll say this for Jimmy Buffett: he knew his mustaches.
We’re thinking of Mr. Buffett’s 1974 “Pencil Thin Mustache,” in which the narrator looks back nostalgically on the suave, caddish heroes he aspired to be as a child. We’ve been fans of the tune for a long time, and yet have always seemed to struggle, like Passat drivers do with “Rocket Man,” to understand some of the references. Buffett assures us this is typical of our generation. “The thing about writing a song like this is that the older you get, the more people there are who need an explanation of the characters in the song.”
Ladies and gentlemen, feast your eyes on the “Zappa.”
What we have here are two distinct types of facial hair—a slightly longer “imperial” up top and a slightly wider “soul patch” down below. Put them together and you’ve got one of the most memorable mustaches in rock history.
As you might expect, there’s a rebellious origin story. “I had a mustache when I was 11,” Zappa told Simpsons creator Matt Groening in a 1992 interview. “Then in high school I added a ‘Genghis’ [below his bottom lip].”
Displeased by Zappa’s appearance, the principal offered him two options: write a 2,000-word essay about proper grooming or be suspended for two weeks. “So I took a two-week vacation. I showed up back in school with a list of all my R&B records by artist and label, and a list of all the ones that I thought I was going to buy for the next three or four months, and that was my 2,000-word essay. I laughed at them.”
Few industries are as inextricably linked to men’s grooming (or, as the case may be, lack of men’s grooming) than music. Whether it’s Little Richard’s curls or the mop-headed young Beatles on The Ed Sullivan Show or ZZ Top’s cone-beards or the staggering amount of hair spray bottles depleted on glam-rock tours throughout the ’80s, one thing is certain: how you cut it as a musician has a lot to do with how you cut it as a groomer.
The fact is, we’d have some strong (to quite strong) grooming notes for Freddie Mercury—if he were anyone other than Freddie Mercury. Front men of stadium-packing mega-bands tragically taken before their time most certainly deserve a pass from random men’s style bloggers.
Maybe it’s because there were five Sundays in October (NFL’s breast cancer awareness month), but it’s hard to remember a time when professional football players weren’t wearing pink.
It’s an important cause. Women should get yearly mammograms. Men should help them do so. We’re totally on board.
It’s just… well, after five weeks of our supposedly fearsome football stars looking (and in some cases playing) like Barbie dolls, we’re thrilled that Movemeber – a month in which mustaches are grown to raise awareness for men’s health issues – is upon us.
We’d make a joke here, but it’s hard to top the ones they came up with themselves. Runners-up include Houston (assisted by “nearby rodeo schooling”), Pittsburgh (“a historically mustached city”) and Oklahoma City (for “serving as the off-season home to many employees of the adult entertainment industry”).
The gentleman above is Chase Carey, first in line to be CEO of NewsCorp if Mr. Murdoch steps down. And by the looks of it, he's no stranger to mustache wax.
He’s also the latest specimen in our old friend the Power Mustache, also seen on Hawaiian detectives, fixed-gear aficionados and the heads of international banking institutions. If anyone less powerful attempted this mustache, they would be laughed out of the boardroom. Instead, he wears it as a bristly badge of honor. Godspeed, sir.