We continue Football Week with a look back at the greatest mustachioed players to ever step onto the gridiron…
We continue Football Week with a look back at the greatest mustachioed players to ever step onto the gridiron…
Last weekend, we were lucky enough to catch an advance screening of Wes Anderson’s latest opus, The Grand Budapest Hotel, due to hit theaters next Friday.
Stylistically, it was awesome—which came as no surprise, given the director’s personal track record of impeccable style. But there was one distinctly Andersonian quirk that stood out most this go-round: the facial hair. Period-accurate to a tee, the film is littered with triumphant upper-lip ticklers that would put most Brooklynites’ to shame, including a particularly impressive Chester A. Arthur–like situation on one Mr. Bill Murray. But you don’t have to take our word for it, because we’ve rounded up some stills for you ahead of the release.
We’ve seen a sharp rise in the semiserious celebration of the mustache—from finger tattoos, to the charitable monthlong growing contest known as Movember—and all this time we thought it was a relatively new phenomenon…
Until we stumbled upon this cache of photos from the inaugural meeting of the “Handlebar Club” at London’s Windmill Theatre. In 1947. That’s right, a slapstick crew of mustachioed men began a club dedicated to mustaches (beards strictly disallowed) nearly 70 years ago. They even went so far as to print mustaches on their silk ties (somebody write that idea down). Not to mention, it’s a surprisingly handsome lot of hirsute upper lips—which we’ll assume took longer than a month to grow.
We’ve always believed that every American has the right to let their facial hair flourish. But despite our follicular freedoms as Americans, Disney has used its muscle as an employer to keep the Magic Kingdom an entirely beard-free zone… at least, until now.
As of February 3, Disney employees will be allowed to cultivate a beard, mustache or goatee—provided they keep it well-groomed and under an inch in length.
It sounds like good news, but we don’t quite see it that way. Sure, it’ll be great to see a few ’staches wandering the grounds of Epcot, and it definitely counts as a win for beard respectability worldwide—but as long as the Disney brass continues to play Steinbrenner, we’re going to have a problem with it. There’s nothing sadder than being a man forced to shave his sideburns by a shift supervisor—especially if the supervisor in question is dressed as Mickey.
And if it’s good enough for Merlin…
John Huntsman dropped out of the race for the White House yesterday after a poll indicated he would likely receive fewer votes than Yosemite Sam. Pundits were quick to pontificate on Hunstman, but everyone seems to have missed the real story coming out of South Carolina…
Ladies and gentlemen, Yosemite Sam is back.
We don’t like breaking the hearts of our readers, but TMZ is reporting that Hulk Hogan is shaving his trademark mustache.
The iconic blond handlebar has lorded over Hogan’s face like a peroxided Arc de Triomphe during his 12 runs as a world heavyweight wrestling champion (and oddly, as owner of the most popular 900 number from 1991-93). But as much as it hurts, we’re going to give this news a tentative endorsement.
We hesitate to spend too much time parroting in and around Margaritaville these days, but we’ll say this for Jimmy Buffett: he knew his mustaches.
We’re thinking of Mr. Buffett’s 1974 “Pencil Thin Mustache,” in which the narrator looks back nostalgically on the suave, caddish heroes he aspired to be as a child. We’ve been fans of the tune for a long time, and yet have always seemed to struggle, like Passat drivers do with “Rocket Man,” to understand some of the references. Buffett assures us this is typical of our generation. “The thing about writing a song like this is that the older you get, the more people there are who need an explanation of the characters in the song.”
So we thought we’d provide just that…
Ladies and gentlemen, feast your eyes on the “Zappa.”
What we have here are two distinct types of facial hair—a slightly longer “imperial” up top and a slightly wider “soul patch” down below. Put them together and you’ve got one of the most memorable mustaches in rock history.
As you might expect, there’s a rebellious origin story. “I had a mustache when I was 11,” Zappa told Simpsons creator Matt Groening in a 1992 interview. “Then in high school I added a ‘Genghis’ [below his bottom lip].”
Displeased by Zappa’s appearance, the principal offered him two options: write a 2,000-word essay about proper grooming or be suspended for two weeks. “So I took a two-week vacation. I showed up back in school with a list of all my R&B records by artist and label, and a list of all the ones that I thought I was going to buy for the next three or four months, and that was my 2,000-word essay. I laughed at them.”
Few industries are as inextricably linked to men’s grooming (or, as the case may be, lack of men’s grooming) than music. Whether it’s Little Richard’s curls or the mop-headed young Beatles on The Ed Sullivan Show or ZZ Top’s cone-beards or the staggering amount of hair spray bottles depleted on glam-rock tours throughout the ’80s, one thing is certain: how you cut it as a musician has a lot to do with how you cut it as a groomer.
The fact is, we’d have some strong (to quite strong) grooming notes for Freddie Mercury—if he were anyone other than Freddie Mercury. Front men of stadium-packing mega-bands tragically taken before their time most certainly deserve a pass from random men’s style bloggers.
Maybe it’s because there were five Sundays in October (NFL’s breast cancer awareness month), but it’s hard to remember a time when professional football players weren’t wearing pink.
It’s an important cause. Women should get yearly mammograms. Men should help them do so. We’re totally on board.
It’s just… well, after five weeks of our supposedly fearsome football stars looking (and in some cases playing) like Barbie dolls, we’re thrilled that Movemeber – a month in which mustaches are grown to raise awareness for men’s health issues – is upon us.
Ladies and gentlemen, Chicago is officially the most mustache-friendly place in America.
According to a gleefully fraudulent white paper from The American Mustache Institute, the Windy City took the lead thanks to local mustached celebrities and an abundance of mustache-friendly jobs, “such as law enforcement, construction and relief pitching.”
We’d make a joke here, but it’s hard to top the ones they came up with themselves. Runners-up include Houston (assisted by “nearby rodeo schooling”), Pittsburgh (“a historically mustached city”) and Oklahoma City (for “serving as the off-season home to many employees of the adult entertainment industry”).
A goatee census cannot be far behind.
The gentleman above is Chase Carey, first in line to be CEO of NewsCorp if Mr. Murdoch steps down. And by the looks of it, he’s no stranger to mustache wax.
He’s also the latest specimen in our old friend the Power Mustache, also seen on Hawaiian detectives, fixed-gear aficionados and the heads of international banking institutions. If anyone less powerful attempted this mustache, they would be laughed out of the boardroom. Instead, he wears it as a bristly badge of honor. Godspeed, sir.
“Icon” is usually used to talk about 60s movie stars or dead painters, but this time around, we’re going with someone a little closer to home. Ladies and Gentlemen, Magnum P.I. himself: Mr. Tom Selleck.
An enormous mustache is an asset to nearly any career, but it’s especially true for ranchers, Belgian detectives and, apparently, monetary policy wonks. The gentleman above is John Lipsky, newly minted head of the IMF, who joins World Bank president Robert Zoellick in the ranks of the mustached elite. If you’re gunning for a similar spot…you know what to do.
One of these things is not like the others.
Two of these mustaches are perfectly respectable Schwartzman-esque lip coverings, happy to live out Movember with respect for their coworkers and deference to the state.
The third one (that’s him on the left) has turned the corner of the lips and is making a break for the border of the chin, where he will buy a motorcycle and make a living selling opium to tourists. And when the month of mustache ends, he might just decide to stick around.
In the wake of the World Cup, soccer had all but fallen off our radar—but all it takes to bring it back is a good ‘stache. For instance, this amazing Howard Hughes-esque piece of mustachioed brilliance from Newcastle soccer player/scoundrel Joey Barton.
He’s promised to keep it on until Newcastle wins a game…which, judging by their opening 3-0 loss to Manchester United, might be quite a while.
Laker games are not usually known for displays of sartorial acumen, but as MB pointed out, Andy Garcia made a pretty good showing at Thursday’s game. For starters, he dressed to his age and for the weather, showing off an impeccable summer blazer and unforced pocket square while most of the grownups around him were either in T-shirts or lounge lizard costumes. (Sorry, Jack.)
More importantly, he managed to unironically pull off a Trotsky-esque mustache, which is a feat for the ages. With a touch of gray, it looks downright distinguished. Put it together with those Courbusier shades—just to make sure you know he’s not kidding—and the man’s approaching perfection.
We’re not much for Oscar-watching, but by now the field has narrowed enough for us to make the following prediction: There will be at least one glorious ‘stache on the red carpet, courtesy of Lee Daniels.
The man who directed Precious has been making the publicity rounds for months now, but every time he shows up on daytime TV, his badass horseshoe mustache overwhelms just about everything he says, shining forth like he’s the second coming of Melvin van Peebles. Even if he doesn’t take home anything, a few primetime cutaways to a mustached man in a tuxedo should be enough to keep the soupcatcher revival going through the summer.
As for the Best Picture race…he’s got a lot of institutional support.
As the growing crop of Movember soupcatchers indicates, the yen for creative facial hair is at an all-time high. The only thing working against this particular trend—other than the rising price of mustache wax—is the uncertainty involved in growing one. Why commit three weeks to cultivating a bushy lip if you don’t have a game plan? Fortunately, it’s nothing the internet can’t solve.
This snap comes from a sartorial consultant/timewaster called Lord Likely’s Moustache-o-Rama (via NotCot), who’s currently modeling thirty-six styles of ‘stache, ranging from the bushy Spunkleford to a sharp number known as the Strumpet’s Delight.
Naturally, it’s hard to pick a favorite—but you can’t go wrong with a Chin-Wagger.
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