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A Gentleman’s Guide to the Halloween Hookup

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Advice from certified ladyperson and expert on all things sexy and scary, Michelle Ong.

Halloween festivities can sometimes feel like amateur hour¬—all your favorite haunts (heh) are packed to the gills, “Thriller” is playing for the 36th time, and you can barely keep yourself from punching the guy in the Kim Kardashian costume.

And yet, every time this most hallowed time of year rolls around, we slap on the face paint, go dancing like it’s the Second Coming and flirt outrageously with someone dressed like a meme. Why do we do it? Because transforming into someone else—with the aid of masks, feathers and the rest of it—gives us license to act like somebody else. Even if that somebody else is a drunk Sharknado.

After the jump, your quick-and-dirty guide to the three types of people you’ll encounter while pursuing your Halloween hookup.»