Kurt Suzuki’s fingernails are bright yellow because…
A) He lost a bet in the clubhouse.
B) Some bruises bruise brightly.
C) This is between him and Jobu.
D) None of the above. Because there’s no “painting your nails” in baseball…»
| ALL This Sporting Life |
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We’ve said it once, we’ve said it in a slightly less dickish way once, and we’ll say pretty much the same thing once again: Prince William looks like an associate at a top private equity firm.
The only difference is that associates at top private equity firms know that male pattern baldness, when on display, must be taken high and tight. And they know that this is not up for debate.
Now we will bow to you and be on our way.
| ALL High and Tight |
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A few days back, we received a press email from a stranger. This is not an uncommon event. Also, not an exciting event. Especially when it pertains to soap. But as we started to glance through this one, a series of unusual buzzwords piqued our interest. First off, they called their soap “Fancy Black Soap.” That’s the name of it. Bold. Pretentious. Now we’re on to something… Then the crazywords started tumbling toward us in droves: “volcanic ash,” “fresh milk from local pasture-raised Nubian goats,” “a secret Catskills Mountain location,” “hand poured.” So many, in fact, that we called in a sample of this stuff and decided to wallow in some dirt for a few days in preparation. Also, Googled Nubian goats.
To our surprise, the soap couldn’t talk, it didn’t hold the secret to the mysteries of the deep ocean, and it wasn’t wearing double monks. But it was a chocolate brown bar stamped with the words “GOAT MILK,” felt excellent on the skin and left us feeling aggressively clean. And sure, maybe we just think it’s great since Nubian goats are involved. But isn’t that enough?
| ALL High and Tight |
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via WBE
Good Will Stunting: The Washington Post has the first day of Cannes in slideshow form. Most notably, more Sacha Baron Cohen stunts—involving a model and a yacht. [Washington Post]
Unsure, Unsure, Unsure: Esquire investigates parabens—the latest scapegoat in personal hygiene products (like deodorant). [Esquire]
Olympian Ablaze: A heartwarming sports story of an American Olympian hopeful known for being “the McEnroe of Ping-Pong” and his penchant for herb. [Grantland]
The Newest Americana-phile: Jay-Z is headlining/curating a Made in America concert in Philly. Rolling Stone gets the details, while standing in front of a Pop-Up-Flea-sized American flag. (Watch the throne, Mr. Lean.) [Rolling Stone]
Our brothers in arms over at UrbanDaddy Chicago recently caught up with Illinois’s native son Nick Offerman, best known for his mustachioed brawniness (and playing a guy named Ron Swanson on TV). Below, we’ve got the full interview, including a few additional nuggets of wisdom that didn’t make it into the article.
| ALL Conversation |
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The furrowed presidential brow is also a well-groomed one.
So says Michael Gilman, founder of the Grooming Lounge in Washington, DC, who contends that “seven of the past eight [US presidential] elections have been won by the candidate with the best-groomed eyebrows.” Maddeningly, Mr. Gilman leaves us hanging on the exception.
So we took a closer look at the last eight presidential elections, brow to brow…»
| ALL High and Tight |
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Ben Bernanke is a powerful man—and while we’re not saying it’s entirely due to his luxuriant silver beard, it certainly doesn’t hurt.
So when one intrepid journalist tracked down the man who tends to the Federal Reserve chairman’s “ostentatiously silky” beard, we were understandably intrigued.
Apparently, the Fed has its own in-house barber, a well-appointed chap named Lenny Gilleo who claims Bernanke follows the same playbook as most of the bearded gentlemen we know: a trim and shaping every three or four weeks, and a lot of off-handed stroking in the interim. More interesting is that the barber only charges whatever Mr. Bernanke feels like paying.
In other words, when the beard wants you to do something, you do it. Well played, Ben.
| ALL Current Affairs |
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via YHBTI
On the Chin: In the latest Times piece, the grooming choices of golfers get more attention than they ever deserved. [NYTimes]
Behind the Wheel: An in-depth interview with the CEO/founder of cycling brand Rapha. [Hypebeast]
Fret by Fret: See how a Fender was made in 1959…and how they make them now. Not surprisingly, the present doesn’t measure up. [Open Culture]
False Riches: A few basic problems with pretending to have won the lottery. [The Atlantic Wire]
This snap comes from a century-old price-fixing trial, where a baker named Jeff Lasher displayed a near-perfect long-haired coiffure. Take notes, men. The overcoat isn’t too shabby either.
The Love Song of Johnny Ramone: A choice excerpt from Johnny Ramone’s posthumous autobiography, detailing his early days in ’70s New York. [NYMag]
Panico in the Disco: Derek Guy details an afternoon with Naples’s own Antonio Panico, complete with copious espresso and patch pockets. [styleforum]
“Toward a More Bohemian Lifestyle”: The poetry of Glenn O’Brien, as relayed by the Unknown Hipster. [The Unknown Hipster]
The Wet Look Returns: In honor of Mad Men’s incipient return, here’s a guide to one of the best-loved Draper-era hair creams, Groom & Clean. [The American Project]
We’re pleased to see Bruce Springsteen back on the scene, supporting a new album…but there’s something different about him. We love the Boss, so it pains us to say this—but when a man of 62 appears with hair as consistently coltish as this, certain questions have to be asked. And as duly appointed grooming experts, we had no choice but to track down the answers…
| ALL High and Tight |
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If there’s one thing to be learned from Ambrose Everett Burnside, it’s that you can be dubbed “the most incompetent general of the Civil War” and still be feted in style blogs 150 years later. In the Battle of the Crater in 1864, Burnside succeeded in digging an explosive mine under a fort in the Confederate entrenchment, but failed to brief his own soldiers on the existence of said mine—into which they crammed, by the hundreds, figuring the massive crater to be an ideal bunker. Confederates surrounded the mine and, well, you’ve seen how this one turned out.
But we’re here not to revisit Burnside’s humiliating miscues on the field of battle, but rather to honor the glorious muttonchops on the general’s face—so glorious, in fact, that the term “sideburn” was dubbed in his (fittingly inverted) honor.
To that end, we offer five of the finest muttonchop specimens of all time…»
| ALL High and Tight |
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The world is a strange and confusing place.
Male nail polish, for instance, is apparently now a thing—and we can say without reservation that it is the greatest threat facing our nation at this time. Somehow, the more we learn about it, the more terrifying it becomes…
| ALL Bad Idea |
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Don’t worry, it’s for a role—and if we had to choose the appropriate hairstyle for a drug-addicted burglar, that would be pretty close.
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In July of 1973, MLB Commissioner Bowie Kuhn issued a stern order to Pittsburg Pirates starting pitcher Dock Ellis, demanding that he cease and desist wearing curlers on the field during batting practice. True to his outspoken and controversial form, Ellis added several more every day for the rest of his road trip, stating that he simply “did not play good unless he looked good.”
One can appreciate Commissioner Kuhn’s concern: few positions in professional sports receive as much air time as major league pitchers. As such, when hurlers significantly stray from the Steinbrenner look, America takes notice.
To that end, in honor of pitchers and catchers reporting to spring training in 10 days, we present part one of a season-long grooming series on grooming pastimes in America’s pastime.
| ALL High and Tight |
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We’ve never been afraid to ask the tough questions.
It started when the personal stylist of one Willard Mitt Romney swore the candidate has never touched hair product. But Mr. Romney’s impeccable coif suggested otherwise, and from the campaign, there was only an eerie silence… as if there were something they didn’t want us to know.
So on the heels of Romney’s Nevada victory, we conducted a thorough investigation into the apparent styling habits of the Republican front-runner. The results may shock you.
We’re calling it pomade-gate. This one could go all the way to the top.
| ALL Current Affairs |
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ROW ONE: Caleb Followill, Kings of Leon; Robin Pecknold, Fleet Foxes; Jim James, My Morning Jacket; Justin Vernon, Bon Iver
ROW TWO: Ray LaMontagne; Kyp Malone, TV on the Radio; Tyler Ramsey & Ben Bridwell, Band of Horses
ROW THREE: Samuel Beam, Iron and Wine; Dan Auerbach, The Black Keys; Devendra Banhart; Alex Ebert, Ima Robot
The bearded indie rock frontman is hardly a new phenomenon. Guys like Will Oldham, Chris Robinson and Jerry Garcia blazed that trail long ago (literally). Given the above collage, though, it appears the trail has been transformed into a well-paved thoroughfare connecting Coachella, Bonnaroo, SXSW, Glastonbury and wherever else present-day introspective rockers gather to perform before thousands of similarly bearded hipsters.
| ALL High and Tight |
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You know the scent: that first whiff of razor dust and talc that hits you on your way through the barbershop door, along with a certain lemony tonic smell. It’s the same in nearly every shop, and every time it puts us in the same nostalgic mood.
The good news is, they bottle it.
It’s called Pinaud Clubman and it’s been occupying an unassuming corner of your local drugstore for two centuries now. And while we’re usually interested in the more modern end of the fragrance world, it’s hands-down one of the most classic scents in the world of man, combining a strong hit of alcohol with lemon, jasmine and all manner of unobtrusive odors.
In short, it smells like a freshly shaved man (200 years of incidental aromatherapy tends to leave an impression). And since it’s about as expensive as shaving cream, it’s also good news for anyone stretching his grooming budget.
| ALL High and Tight |
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A reminder: it’s best to think of facial hair as an accessory. Ask too much of it and, like a loud pair of shades or an overused pocket square, it will eventually let you down. To that end, we respectfully offer:
| ALL Bad Idea/Good Idea |
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Maverick, Iceman, Goose, Viper, Slider: egos writing checks that bodies couldn’t cash. If they screwed up just this much, they’d be flying a cargo plane full of rubber dog shit out of Hong Kong. The Navy called it Fighter Weapons School. The fliers called it Top Gun.
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We’ve been thinking a lot about Newt Gingrich’s hair.
Possibly too much.
It’s easily the best hair of the 2012 candidates—even though Romney gets all the press—and like Newt himself, the coif has shown remarkable evolution over the years. From its origins in ’60s flair, Newt’s hair has shown the influence of some of the most controversial grooming trends of our time, always evolving but retaining its essential Newtness.
So in the interest of helping Florida voters with their upcoming decision, we’d like to take a look at Speaker Gingrich’s hair through the years, beginning with a young man who bears a striking resemblance to Jermaine from Flight of the Conchords…
The hairstyles of Newton Leroy Gingrich, in five easy pieces»
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The haircuts of Paris Fashion Week are always a bit outlandish, but we noticed a heartening trend this time around: the return of the mop-top.
Granted, it never really went away, but this year saw a proliferation of mops unlike anything in recent memory. Scanning models, we spotted the McCartney cut on gentlemen at Lanvin, Paul Smith and every last model at Kenzo. (Balmain is close, but that’s really more of a Bieber.)
The lesson? The era of the awkwardly named Hitler Youth cut is coming to a close—and the mods are filling the void. We couldn’t be happier.
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The groundhog is still fast asleep, and it’s only getting colder out there. As the winter gears up, you may notice more and more disarray in your usually well-ordered coiffure. It’s the affliction known as hat hair, currently ravaging scalps across this great land of ours.
We couldn’t just sit back and let the widespread mussing go unchallenged, so we’ve consulted the experts and developed five steps to keep your ’do intact under even the most stifling of hats. Ladies and gentlemen, your guide to defending against hat hair…
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We hesitate to spend too much time parroting in and around Margaritaville these days, but we’ll say this for Jimmy Buffett: he knew his mustaches.
We’re thinking of Mr. Buffett’s 1974 “Pencil Thin Mustache,” in which the narrator looks back nostalgically on the suave, caddish heroes he aspired to be as a child. We’ve been fans of the tune for a long time, and yet have always seemed to struggle, like Passat drivers do with “Rocket Man,” to understand some of the references. Buffett assures us this is typical of our generation. “The thing about writing a song like this is that the older you get, the more people there are who need an explanation of the characters in the song.”
So we thought we’d provide just that…
Today we present “Pencil Thin Mustache”: A Glossary of Terms»
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Winter’s a tough season for your skin.
You may have already noticed a little wintry dryness creeping up, now that you’re splitting your time between frozen streets and furnace-heated offices. Stick with your regular routine and you’ll be in sorry shape by the time February rolls around—so we’ve put together a quick playbook to protect your skin against the dry chill of winter.
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