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As we know all too well, it can be hard to get attention on the internet. But tacking a James Bond fan fiction in front of everything you write is the blogging equivalent of driving a snowmobile down a mountain with one hand while using the other hand to shoot the bad guys who are chasing you in faster snowmobiles until you drive off a cliff and unfurl your Union Jack parachute while they all crash and explode on the rocks below.

In other words, it’s risky.

Onlyknives.com was recently graced with a post on a do-it-yourself knife wallet, introduced by a 400 word vignette starring Mr. Bond himself. The funniest part is how much it reminds us of actual ad copy. Didn’t we see this on an Amiga poster somewhere?

Named “A Quantum of Mini-Tools,” the story chronicles Bond’s love for his Slimline Wallet and the raw sensual magnetism of said wallet. We would have preferred “The Wallet Who Loved Me” or “The Man with the Golden Wallet,” but nobody’s perfect.

The manuscript in full»

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