You may have noticed something out of the ordinary during LaDainian Tomlinson’s retirement speech on Monday. He looked… happy. Like, truly happy—not Brett Favre happy. Perhaps that’s because he was being given the ultimate honor—the San Diego Chargers, with whom he racked up the majority of his 13,684 career yards—signed LT to a one-day contract so he could retire a Bolt. In return, he busted out a fetching summer bow tie/pocket square combo with just the right amount of San Diego Charger blue.
I was late for work last week, moving at a steady clip, when a smiley dude in a purple Phish shirt stepped in front of me and raised his hand. It was 8am on a Thursday and he was high-fiving strangers on the street. When I refused and continued on my way, he looked at his outstretched hand as though it had emotions of its own and said, “Happy National High-Five Day to you, too.”
Keep an eye out for a Kempt story in the coming days entitled “Enough Is Enough with Bullshit Holidays”—but today, we’re focusing on the high-five part of this story. Or, more specifically, on when it’s okay, kind of okay and definitely not okay for grown men to randomly touch other grown men.
via YHBTIThe Man Who Broke Atlantic City: A man named Don Johnson (not that Don Johnson) walked away from Atlantic City with $15 million…without cheating. A closer look at the monster run. [The Atlantic]
Hand Tooled: Inside the studio with the brothers of Billykirk. [Swiss Miss]
“Swine Drunke” Is an Early Favorite: A 1592 pamphlet detailing the “Eight Kindes of Drunkennes.” Tonight, we’re aiming for sheepe drunk, which is “wise in his conceipt.” [Lists of Note]
You Never Know: We don’t know what your plans are for the weekend, but you should probably learn how to make a small-game survival snare just in case. [Art of Manliness]
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You may have seen a lot of these lately…
Until the late 1970s, the exclamation point (also known as a “dembanger” or “dog’s cock”) was not featured on standard typewriters. Instead, one typed a period, backspaced and then typed an apostrophe. While this made for rather crooked conclusions to imperative clauses, it also compelled the writer to give pause before employing what, in our opinion, has since become the most overused key on the QWERTY board.
And texting has only made things worse. In finalizing plans for a first date, a colleague was recently scolded by his companion for texting “See you tonight.” She felt his use of the period—or, to be more eye-rollingly specific, his omission of the exclamation point(s)—implied he wasn’t excited to meet her.
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We conclude Kempt’s Cell Phone Etiquette Month with what we hope will also conclude the once-delightful, now-grating fascination with “shit people say.” To that (merciful) end, we respectfully present you with: Shit Cell Phone Users (Shouldn’t) Say.
We’ll come right out and say it: nearly everybody is making toasts the wrong way.
We’re not talking about the speech—that’s another post entirely—but about the climactic moment when everyone raises their arms and sends their glass careening towards the middle, ricocheting from flute to flute like a pinball filled with champagne.
Gentlemen, this is not how it’s done.
Touching glasses is supposed to be about sharing joy, dispensing your blessing across everyone in attendance, so you need to know whose glass you’re clinking up against. That’s why ever since the 17th century, the custom has been to make eye contact at the moment you touch cups. It takes a bit of coordination, since you can’t have your eye on your glass, but it makes the whole ritual feel more intimate.
And if simple etiquette isn’t enough, legend has it that looking away at the moment of contact dooms you to seven years of bad sex.
Which actually explains a lot.
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We’ve gotten a big response to our humble promotion of the phone stack, and it’s led us to two inescapable conclusions. First, this is an idea whose time has come. Second, some stragglers just aren’t ready for it. For every few supporters on Facebook, there was at least one holdout, bitterly clinging to the right to text and tweet while you’re sitting right there. So to speed the glorious chariot of progress, we’d like to piece through the objections one at a time…
In which we respond to the haters and defend the phone stack»
We usually take a pretty hard line against phones at dinner, but a new trick just popped up that gives us hope for the future.
It’s called a phone stack, and it’s a buzzing, flashing reminder of every phone-etiquette rule the world seems to have forgotten.
Let’s be realistic. It’s the week between Christmas and New Years – you’re not going to your personal best mile time. Instead, consider employing The Gentleman’s Workout: Pack a gym bag. Leave it in the car. Find the closest steam room. Enter it with one large bottle of chilled water. Drink it. Take a cold shower. Enter the steam room with a second bottle of chilled water. Drink it. Take a slightly warmer shower. Utilize all toiletries/razors/ combs-in-jar-0f-blue-liquid saves/q-tips available in the locker room and, if applicable, enjoy a stiff cocktail in the clubhouse before returning home for a much-needed post-holiday workout feast.
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Yesterday, the blog/think tank Daily Intel proposed a bold new anti-harassment measure called “No Hermo.” It’s a strange name, but a good cause, intended to nip any potentially creepy misunderstandings in the bud. It would work something like this:
“Sally, you look great in that dress. Um… [uncomfortable pause] Not in a… you know, n-no Hermo.” [disappears silently]
So… you’ve said something stupid.
It’s okay. It happens to lots of otherwise-intelligent people every day. Just breathe and keep your wits about you. We’ll talk you through the rest.
As a rule, gentlemen do not make obscene gestures.
But we live in a complicated world, and there may come a time—possibly in foreign lands—when such a gesture is suddenly, unexpectedly leveled against you. And due to Earth’s rich tapestry of cultural difference, you may not know exactly what you’re being accused of.
So we thought we’d take a quick, illustrated tour through five of the most prevalent and/or amusing gestures the world has to offer—from Italian devil horns to the secret meaning of the thumbs-up. Use this knowledge only for good.
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It can be hard to know, in general, how to behave. So we’ve taken it upon ourselves to lay it all out in one place—an etiquette column to end all etiquette columns. We’ll be tackling one befuddling situation at a time until all awkwardness has been driven from the earth. Take it to heart.
It’s a familiar moment: you’re coming to the end of an evening with a friend or business associate. He’s headed to his car and you’re headed to yours, but first you need some final physical gesture to mark your parting.
The standard is the handshake—a firm, businesslike way to conclude an interaction. It’s a perfectly respectable option (despite what the germophobes might tell you), but if you feel a sudden surge of fellowship, you may decide to go in for a hug.
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Being a gentleman is complicated business, but at some point in the last few decades, people got squeamish about explaining how to do it. So in search of a proper etiquette guide, we had to go all the way back to 1866, with Martine’s Hand-Book of Etiquette, and Guide to True Politeness.
It’s a single guide to every situation a gentleman might face—from dressing well to encountering unattended ladies in the street (a novel experience at the time). And since you’re too busy to peruse the full 163 pages, we’ve pulled out 30 of the most useful tidbits. Here’s a taste:
An unassuming simplicity in dress should always be preferred, as it prepossesses everyone in favor of the wearer.
The modest man is seldom the object of envy.
Think like the wise; but talk like ordinary people.
It is a great and difficult talent to be a good listener, but it is one which the well-bred man has to acquire, at whatever pains.
There is a graceful manner of holding a hat, which every well-bred man understands.
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via Fashion CopiousDouble Time: GQ’s guide to the etiquette of dating two women at once—also known as The World’s Most Dangerous Game. [GQ]
A Bat is Involved: Answering the age-old question, “What the Fuck is Cricket?” [The Morning News]
The Legacy Pick: Our Legacy’s latest lookbook is every bit as handsome as you’d think. [Selectism]
Our Inbox Runneth Over: Survival strategies for the flood of email which threatens to consume us all. [Betabeat]
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The gentlemen of Edwardian England really knew how to act.
So in a fit of nostalgia, we recently picked up A Bachelor’s Cupboard (published in 1905) for a few tips on gentlemanly etiquette in the days of yore. It’s pretty fantastic. Of course, we can’t show you the whole thing here, but we thought we’d pass along the laundry chapter, which covers vital, everyday topics like how to remove blood from your waistcoat after being wounded in a duel.
If it hasn’t happened yet, it’s only a matter of time.
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via LikeCoolAnyone For Tennis: If you were planning on watching the U.S. Open at work (and if not, why not), here’s how to do it. [Deadspin]
The Unveiling: Ian Velardi shows off his fall/winter lookbook. As expected, it’s very handsome stuff. [Sartorially Inclined]
This Is Only a Test: Jake Davis works his video magic on The Fader’s Mobolaji Dawodu. [Hypebeast]
Signing Off: A surprisingly scientific look at your email signoff. Leaving it blank is looking better and better. [Bobulate]
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So, I Told You: The social etiquette of being right. It’s a problem we have to deal with all the time. [MIEN]
Club Life: Justin Bridges’ guide to the club collar, with a little help from Uniqlo. [tucked]
The Real Wrestler: The tragic decline of Ric Flair, of the WWF. Be warned—it’s incredibly long and incredibly sad. [Grantland]
The Covered Wagon: A crop of screenprinted posters from pre-talkie westerns, and your retro fix of the day. [How to Be a Retronaut]
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via GQVintage in Miniature: Michael Williams ventures into Levi’s Vintage Clothing’s gallery of terrifying doll garments. Be warned: What you see beyond this link may shock you to your very core. [A Continuous Lean]
Through The Years: A generational guide to using your smartphone. The verdict: You may not want to keep it on the table, no matter how young you are. [GOOD]
Boiled Beef and Arbuckle Coffee: A firsthand look at the lifestyle and diet of a cowboy, circa 1890. Your mileage may vary. [Boing Boing]
Seersucker and Skirted Loafers: A street style session with Nickelson Wooster. The man definitely knows how to wear shorts. [tucked]
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Paz in Our Time: Paz de la Huerta says outrageous things in an interview, which only increases her appeal. No word yet on whether a cake was involved. [NYTimes]
All of the Lights, All of the Lights: Musings on the end of Friday Night Lights. Football! Adulthood! Change! [The Awl]
Bonafide: Lawrence from HTTGAP gets some love from the Quarterly. We remember when he was just Lawrence from Sartorially Inclined. [GQ]
Batter Up: Because you can always use more baseball art around your apartment…
[Apartment Therapy]
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On of the most reliable sources of style wisdom in the business, Glenn O’Brien has finally channeled his wit into an all-encompassing 300-page guide to life. The book is titled How to Be a Man, and it lives up to its name with chapters like “How to be Sexual,” “How to Exit” (on death), and “Immortality: What to Do Later.” We sat down with Mr. O’Brien for a conversation about manhood, manners and when New York was at its coolest.
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We don’t like playing etiquette police, but lately we’ve been seeing a lot of confusion around the proper role of cell phones at dinner. In particular, a certain tech blogger seems to be on his way to defining this as the new normal.
But it isn’t. And it’s not going to be.
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We’re across-the-board fans of old-school etiquette, but the Thank You card in particular deserves more credit than it gets. It’s a simple gesture, easy once you’re in the habit and it makes an impression like nothing else—especially since it’s so unexpected in the modern day.
Our gameplan: keep it short, and let the stationary do the talking. There’s a pretty good crop on Etsy (our favorite is here), which makes it that much more personal. It’s the kind of social meticulousness that makes gentlemen—not bad for a piece of paper.
Turning your phone off is a pretty strong signal in the modern age—especially if you make a point of it. But if your innate chivalry keeps you from being too obvious…we may have a handkerchief for you.
This one comes from myphoneisoff.com (hat tip), with a special lining to blog cell signals and a clear, silent declaration of your newly unwired state stitched on the outside. The idea is to leave it on the table as you sit down to eat, but we don’t see any reason why it should stop there. Sure it’s a bit aggressive, but desperate times call for desperate accessories. Consider us onboard.
By the Way, You’re Welcome for the Link: A gentleman’s guide to saying “You’re welcome.” [Mien Magazine]
The Booth of the Future: TechCrunch gets a peek at a legendary web vet’s visionary plan for live podcasting booths. [TechCrunch]
The Bad Kind of Uniform: Apparently a white shirt and trim khakis are also the uniform of most summer catering staffs. If only he’d watched more Party Down… [GQ Eye]
What Would Totoro Do?: Hayao Miyazaki is not a fan of the iPad. [Kotaku]
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LinksUrbanDaddy DRIVEN A Continuous Lean A Headlong Dive A Suitable Wardrobe Archival Clothing Art of Manliness Blackbird Blog BULLETT The Choosy Beggar Coolhunting Cool Material DETAILS Die, Workwear! Four Pins GQ Hypebeast The Impossible Cool Jake Davis The Midwestyle Mister Mort The Moment Put This On Racked The Sartorialist The Selby Selectism Valet Vanity Fair Daily Vulture Wax Wane What I Saw Today Well Spent |
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Style: some people have it, and some neighborhoods really have it. To show you what we mean, we’ve partnered with Cadillac to present Style Shifters—a five-part, in-depth look at what the hippest gents in some of the country’s coolest neighborhoods are wearing now. Our intrepid photographers have roamed the streets in search of the most stylish guys around. Herewith, a few photos of what they found...
Williamsburg, Brooklyn is home to some of the country’s best bars, coolest restaurants and, of course, some of the best menswear shops in the world. Naturally, you’ll find more than a few stylish individuals perched outside those locations (and no, not all of them are Billyburg hipsters). See what we mean below...
Oh, and up next: we take a peak at another handsome-as-hell neighborhood, the Mission District in San Francisco. Stay tuned...
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