Every month, we thoroughly examine the contents of GQ, Details and Esquire, so you don’t have to. This month’s breakdown—starring Bryan Cranston, Porsche 911s, Aubrey Plaza, fathers-in-law, biceps, porn star names, overcoats, Jon Voight, holograms, absinthe summer cocktails and words of wisdom from Richard Simmons—is after the jump.
Every Wednesday from here on out, we’re giving you a piece of our minds. Actually, more like five pieces. It’s a chance to get a deeper look into what makes the minds behind Kempt tick—you know, beyond the usual Internet handsomeness we’re serving up daily. So welcome to our most personal weekly feature: The Kempt Five.
Bartenders. The good ones are impossibly dexterous, effortlessly cool, elegantly nonchalant. And we appreciate that. So we’re honoring the best of the bunch. Next up: Harry Craddock.
Name: Harry Lawson Craddock DOB: 1875 Place of birth: Stroud, England Trade: Bartender Years active: 1897–1947 Locations of employ: Chicago, New York, London Notable employers: The Hoffman House (NYC), The Knickerbocker Hotel (NYC), The Holland House (NYC), The Savoy Hotel (London), The Dorchester Hotel (London) Cocktails invented: 250, give or take Books written: 1 Wax statues at Madame Tussauds: 1
The sun is out. The air is hot. And you’re going to need a drink.
But before you start ordering or mixing up cold, refreshing adult beverages at will, you’ll want to choose wisely. Because with the vast number of blended, lime-y, tiny-umbrella-wielding options before you, what you ultimately end up sipping on is making a statement. And since we’re here to help, we’ve gone ahead and laid out a handy road map for you:
It’s got the “opening bottles” thing down, but a neat trick is that the handle slides snugly onto your bottle top, sealing off your beer. Meaning that if you’re manning the grill and need to set your beer down in an area highly prone to tipping over, you’re not spilling a drop. (It also comes in handy for keeping large-format beers fresh over a prolonged tasting session.) Plus, if you need to step away from your bottle for a quick dip, you’ll know which one was yours when you return.
There is no better season for drinking during the day than the summer.
Fine, spring is pretty great, too. And yeah, spiked cider in fall definitely doesn’t suck. But winter... all right, winter too has its perks. So let’s rephrase: there’s no better season for drinking and getting tan than the summer.
Traditionally, Memorial Day is when it all starts. Sure, maybe it’s not officially summer, but with a cooler of beer, good friends, good music and an entire farm’s worth of barbecue, it sure as hell does feel like it. Though like all good things, winning this glorious three-day jaunt requires some solid forethought. Luckily for you, we’ve done it already.
Welcome to Kempt's Field Guide, in which our resident MacGyver and in-house shuffleboard pro, Jason Wire, offers practical solutions to all life's gentlemanly quandaries.
Every night, the same dream.
It’s early evening. Your home is filling with friends. You’ve just taken the Duke of Windsor’s jacket and offered him a glass of pinot when you realize: there’s not a corkscrew, wine key or crazily complicated robotic wine opener in sight.
What do you do? In real life, you keep calm, draw on your knowledge of physics and carry on. And give this list a read, just as a refresher. (In the dream, you... well, keep that to yourself.)
You might be wondering why Kempt looks so fresh-faced here in the new year... Yes, we finally shaved, but also: we’ve updated our Must-Haves for the deep winter. (You’ll find them in their semipermanent home over in the left column.)