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Brew Your Own Beer That Doesn’t Actually Suck

Brewing your own beer is like wearing shorts to work: it’s kind of gross and nobody takes you seriously. Which is why we were so pleased to see The Professional Microbrewery hit the market last month via the folks at Hammacher Schlemmer, who have been offering “the Best, the Only, and the Unexpected” for 164 years. Full disclosure: this will set you back $45,000. It is decidedly not a “kit.” Rather, it is a fully automated Heat Exchange Recycling Mash (HERM) system, complete with a 15-gallon hot liquor tank with built-in heat exchange, a mash/lauter tun that extracts sugar from ground grain, a 20-gallon boil kettle where the mash is converted into the final wort and a freestanding 14-gallon stainless-steel fermentation tank—and everything is controlled by a centralized computer system with level sensors, gauges and temperature detectors that provide accurate, real-time monitoring of the brewing process.

Eat your heart out, Jesse Pinkman.