Every Wednesday we’re giving you a deeper look into what makes the minds behind Kempt tick. We call it: The Kempt Five.
Here’s a cause we can all get behind: beer.
More specifically: Old Style. Even more specifically: Old Style, on draft, at Wrigley Field. But after the Cubs signed an “excusive marketing deal” with Budweiser, making it the exclusive official beer of Wrigley Field, the opportunity to enjoy a foamy Old Style in the Friendly Confines might disappear.
Plato once said, “He was a wise man who invented beer.” And we can’t help but agree.
So with Saturday marking the start of that German beer-for-all known as Oktoberfest—your guess is as good as ours why it’s not called Late-Septemberfest—we’re pouring you a hearty swig of visual encouragement from the ever-handsome pantheon of men who could somehow make lager look a bit more luxury.
Every Wednesday from here on out, we’re giving you a piece of our minds. Actually, more like five pieces. It’s a chance to get a deeper look into what makes the minds behind Kempt tick—you know, beyond the usual Internet handsomeness we’re serving up daily. So welcome to our most personal weekly feature: The Kempt Five.
Every Wednesday from here on out, we’re giving you a piece of our minds. Actually, more like five pieces. It’s a chance to get a deeper look into what makes our editors and writers tick—beyond the Internet handsomeness we’re serving up daily. Whether it’s a mind-bending gallery show, a novel we’ve been reading, an album drop or even just a damn fine pair of pants we’ve been wearing the hell out of, we think you ought to know about it. Welcome to our newest, and most personal, weekly feature: The Kempt Five.
We have it on good authority that you’re going to be in need of a bottle opener this weekend…
A solid bottle opener has to do one thing really well: open your beer bottle. Anything after that is just bells and whistles—the scrimshaw handle or the lucky deer’s foot—unless, of course, you’ve got a Monopol Hermetus that’s just landed at Kaufman Mercantile.
It’s got the “opening bottles” thing down, but a neat trick is that the handle slides snugly onto your bottle top, sealing off your beer. Meaning that if you’re manning the grill and need to set your beer down in an area highly prone to tipping over, you’re not spilling a drop. (It also comes in handy for keeping large-format beers fresh over a prolonged tasting session.) Plus, if you need to step away from your bottle for a quick dip, you’ll know which one was yours when you return.
It will be November by week’s end and that means one thing: a new crop of menswear magazines has just hit the shelves. And this month brings healthy doses of tweed, marled sweaters and general autumnal-ness. Not to mention some long-form pontification on the upcoming elections (from which we’ll spare you) and Mila Kunis in some very formfitting leather pants.
Brewing your own beer is like wearing shorts to work: it’s kind of gross and nobody takes you seriously. Which is why we were so pleased to see The Professional Microbrewery hit the market last month via the folks at Hammacher Schlemmer, who have been offering “the Best, the Only, and the Unexpected” for 164 years. Full disclosure: this will set you back $45,000. It is decidedly not a “kit.” Rather, it is a fully automated Heat Exchange Recycling Mash (HERM) system, complete with a 15-gallon hot liquor tank with built-in heat exchange, a mash/lauter tun that extracts sugar from ground grain, a 20-gallon boil kettle where the mash is converted into the final wort and a freestanding 14-gallon stainless-steel fermentation tank—and everything is controlled by a centralized computer system with level sensors, gauges and temperature detectors that provide accurate, real-time monitoring of the brewing process.
Eat your heart out, Jesse Pinkman.
Technology is an incredible thing.
It’s given us the wheel, the airplane, the split atom. And perhaps more impressive than all these things, this week it gave us the Hot Tub Boat, a floating hot tub large enough to accommodate six people and two coolers of beer, with a top speed of six knots. It’s going to be a bold future.
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