Kempt

world of men's style / fashion / grooming

An UrbanDaddy Publication

Toting Heat

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It’s a new country out there and a new set of rules. Change and Hope (and, occasionally, Chope) are spreading throughout our land even as we speak. But a bad idea is still a bad idea.

And carrying this through an airport will still probably get you arrested.

Clemency

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No, don’t adjust your monitor. Velvet pants are not coming back. They may be shiny and they may be comfortable, but all you need to do is glance at this gentleman’s chin stubble to see the impression it gives.

This one comes from Clemens en August, in an otherwise tasteful autumn and winter line. Normally we’d let this sort of thing slide, but the forces of skeeve are already dangerously powerful.

No, this is not the future. It is just another bad idea.

Loose Threads: Hosiery Edition

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As we’ve said before, the internet is a strange and frightening place.

We recently stumbled across a site called eMANcipate dedicated to the following simple yet perplexing question: “Why don’t men wear panty hose?”

The answer, of course, is that they’re men, but the folks at eMANcipate aren’t satisfied to leave it at that. The result is a hodge-podge of uncomfortable-looking models and even more uncomfortable-looking calves.

Lest you be tempted off the path, allow us to reiterate: Patterned hosiery is a strictly female endeavor, like childbirth or hosting *The View*. And that’s a good thing.

Knit Your Brow

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We’ve often been in the position of trying to convince a friend of the riskiness of heavily knit belts. Yet, as logical as we can be, it’s often hard to convey what a niche item they truly are, and how sparingly they should be applied in any wardrobe.

This picture, we feel, sums it up pretty nicely.

Tied Up

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There’s a lot of past out there, and if you’re digging through it looking for quirky accessories, there’s a lot to choose from. So choose wisely.

In that vein, FashionIndie is taking the lead predicting sock garters as the next big trend. We’ll admit they go well with a bowtie, but we just don’t see this happening. Elastic technology has come a long way in the last 80 years, so it’s a lot of straps with no real purpose.

And, unfortunately for this gentleman, they’re usually worn under the pant leg.

Not Exactly Our Bag

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When does a manly carryall become completely unacceptable? A bag is a bag is a bag, right?

Apparently not. We were impressed by acquire digging up this felt messenger bag, until we looked a little closer. Those “bottle pockets” aren’t for Aquafina, and it’s not waterproof because they want you to take it rafting. As for the built-in changing pad, it pretty much speaks for itself.

That’s right, gentlemen. It’s a diaper bag.

We’re just so disappointed. After a week or so, that felt will have absorbed all sorts of unpleasant odors. Here’s hoping nobody uses this for its intended purpose. You’ll ruin a perfectly good carryall.

Put on a Happy Face

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We’re giving our boy Takashi the benefit of the doubt here and assuming this is a knockoff.

Still, imagine the horrifying world we would enter if this sort of thing becomes common practice. So far the world of art and the world of things-you-can-imprint-on-your-jeans have remained blissfully separate. Nobody wants to see a formaldehyde-soaked shark sewn into your Levi’s. Pretty soon, that grungy-looking fellow with the paint-splattered chinos will be asking if you like his Pollocks.

Run, Banksy, run! Save yourself!

V is for Vendetta

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Apparently we’re ahead of our time.

Seven months after we warned against the dangers of the v-neck, it’s blossomed into a full-fledged trend. If only they’d listened…

Today, Radar printed a call-to-arms against the rising tide of club-goers in deep V-necks. According to the article, which had the good grace to mention us as a source, the deep-V has replaced the striped shirt as the go-to outfit for the huddled masses crowding the door at the clubs everywhere. And if the bouncer reads Radar, God help you.

We render judgment on the deep v-neck once more»

Loose Threads: Twist Tie Edition

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The history of the novelty tie is pretty sordid. But even the piano-key necktie has the virtue of actually being a tie. This unfortunate item is really just the idea of a tie. And, as you may have guessed, it’s a very bad idea.

As usual, the mistake here is in the “quick” part. Wrapping a coat hanger around your neck may seem faster and easier than a half-Windsor, but if you’re in that much of a hurry, you might consider going tieless.

Or should we say, wireless.

Rubes

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This week’s Loose Thread comes courtesy of the nonist, who just introduced us to the Japanese concept of chindogu, or unuselessness.

The utili-tie to the left is a prime example. At first, it seems like the ideal combination of the sartorial charms of the necktie with the practical need to carry safety scissors, a set of paper clips, a ruler, a passport, and various other office essentials. But after you consider it for more than thirty seconds, it becomes clear that the tie is wildly inefficient at both its intended uses. It’s not entirely useless, but even if it existed, it would never be used. It is, in other words, Chindogu.

More on this intriguing categorization»