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Sylvester Stallone Versus Bruce Willis

Stallone Willis

If you hadn’t heard, two of the greatest action heroes of our time are beefing.

It all started with a seemingly innocuous tweet by Sylvester Stallone regarding a staffing change on Expendables 3: Bruce Willis is out, Harrison Ford is in. Generally harmless—except that old Sly followed that up with another tweet regarding someone being greedy and lazy (obviously a Willis-directed subtweet). Yesterday it was revealed by an insider that Willis had demanded a pay raise that equated to $1 million for each day of work (four) which miffed the rough-and-tumble crew of aging badasses to the point of collectively agreeing to not negotiate with salary-terrorists and fire him. (Turns out, he was indeed expendable.)

In Hollywood, this is what beef is. And there’s only one way to settle this: cold, hard facts.

So we pored over their storied careers, questionable red-carpet looks and enduring catchphrase legacies to see who the real winner is.»

Simone Is Listening to the Flowers

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang: Notes on the decline of the American action film. It was all downhill after Total Recall. [NYTimes]

By the Calendar: Valet’s guide to the coming months—and the exact right moment to pick up a swimsuit. [Valet]

Home Is Where the Heart Is: If you’ve ever wanted to see what Johnny Cash’s bedroom looked like, this is your post. [Apartment Therapy]

The Tin Men and the Diner Boys: An oral history of Diner on the 30th anniversary of the film’s release. If you haven’t seen it, you’re missing out. [Baltimore Magazine]

The Best Action Movie You’ve Ever Seen

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Action movies usually hit some pretty familiar beats: there’s running, maybe some purposeful walking, fist fights, explosions, driving cars into things.... We’re not complaining, but for a busy man sitting through 90 minutes of film for a few adrenaline jolts can be downright inefficient.

Fortunately, a gentleman named Jacob Bricca has done a little condensing. The resulting video (hat tip) is three and a half minutes of the action genre at its most pure, soundtracked by eighties punk stalwarts The Jesus Lizard. The clips come from forty-seven different flicks of varying awesomeness—including The Last Temptation of Christ, improbably enough—but it’s less about spotting the influence than basking in the pyrotechnic excess of it all. To be played at maximum volume…

Prepare yourself»