perez

Memo to gossip goblin Perez Hilton: no matter how much glitter you smear around your eye bags, gynecomastia is not a good look. What exactly, may we ask, induced you to dress this way for Svedka’s New Year’s Eve party at the Gansevoort?

We understand that earlier in the evening you at least had some sort of velvet blazer covering your embarrassment. Removing it was your first (but by no means only) mistake. Thus was revealed the breast-enhancing pullover, straining snakeskin belt and bulging pantaloons lurking underneath. And then you compounded the crime by murdering a perfectly innocent pocket square, and tying it around your neck *bandito*-style. Too bad no one had the decency to yank it up over your face.

Sincerely,

Your friends at Kempt.

p.s. If Glenn O’Brien shows up in this outfit next week, we quit.

—J.P.S.

CONTRIBUTORS

  • Jared Paul Stern