Yosemite Sam: The Next President of the United States
Jon Huntsman dropped out of the race for the White House yesterday after a poll indicated he would likely receive fewer votes than Yosemite Sam. Pundits were quick to pontificate on Hunstman, but everyone seems to have missed the real story coming out of South Carolina…
Ladies and gentlemen, Yosemite Sam is back.
In reviewing Mr. Sam’s illustrious prospecting/varmint hunting career, we found a man who is seemingly genetically engineered to lead the ever-expanding hard-lined conservative base of the GOP:
—Unapologetically ornery yet unexpectedly compassionate, the devoutly Christian Mr. Sam always provided Bugs Bunny the opportunity to “say his prayers” before attempting to kill him.
—Wields at least two registered firearms at all times; former honorary director of the NRA.
—Never falls for the same ploy twice.
—Unabashedly cavalier when entering unknown, dangerous situations and always willing to “step across that line” even if that means stepping off a cliff or down a mine shaft.
—Will “get even” no matter what.
It’s safe to say Yosemite Sam is no Elmer Fudd.
For us, though, Mr. Sam’s greatest asset is his style. Most notably, it’s the unclassifiable fire engine red facial hair/eyebrow combination which, though unruly to say the least, results in a most effective poker face, entirely masking the underlying, calculating visage.
Frightening or enlightening, you ask? If you’re Jon Huntsman, the answer is likely “both.”
- — C. Brian Smith