Things got real hairy at the Second Annual Beard Team USA National Beard and Moustache Championships held last Saturday at Clipper Magazine Stadium in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. As is the case with most beard and moustache championships, tensions ran high right from the get-go, with many contestants opting out of Friday night’s Meet-the-Amish Dinner and the Whiskerinas Ladies Fake Beard and Moustache Competition.

A total of $5,000 was on the line in Saturday’s main event, comprised of five categories: Moustache, Partial Beard, Full Beard (Groomed), Full Beard (Natural) and the fan-favorite, Freestyle.

We couldn’t be more excited to present you with the champions…

On hand to judge the competition was a quartet of facial hair experts, including Miss Pennsylvania, Juliann Sheldon; German National Freestyle Champion Willi Chevalier; Pittsburg Steelers starting center, Justin Hartwig; and Phil Thiel, hooker for America’s National Rugby Team.

According to the National Beard and Moustache Rules Committee, in all categories, the judges were instructed to consider “the overall condition and health of the facial hair, detail in styling if applicable, uniformity of color, thickness, symmetry, size including but not limited to length, and presentation.” And now, the results of those considerations (with additional explanation courtesy of the NB&M Rules Committee).


Moustache Champion: PATRICK GORMAN

The moustache is the hair that grows on the upper lip but can also include hairs growing from elsewhere on the face that are a natural extension of the shape of the moustache. Therefore Fu Manchus, walruses and horseshoe styles are all considered moustaches.


Partial Beard Champion: TOOT JOSLIN

This category includes all styles of facial hair that are neither full beards nor solely moustaches. Examples: sideburns, van dykes, goatees, soul patches, mutton chops and imperials.


Full Beard (Groomed) Champion: JOHN MYATT

This category is for shorter full beards groomed by means of shaving, trimming and/or the use of styling products. Required: an unbroken line of unshaven face from the temple to the chin to the other temple.


Full Beard (Natural) Champion: JOHN BURGESS

Portions of the cheeks can be partially shaven, as can the neck, but there must be an unbroken line of unshaven face from the temple to the chin to the other temple. Trimming is allowed, as are styling products, but this category is for fuller, longer full beards that have been allowed to achieve their natural fullness, size and shape.


Freestyle Competition Champion: JONATHAN RICE

In this category, the judges are asked to determine which contestant’s facial hair is the most creative and artistic. Anything goes.

And everything went.

—C.B.S.

CONTRIBUTORS

  • C. Brian Smith