We haven’t had a smell test in a while, but when samples came in of the “Hamptons” scent by Bond No. 9, we knew we had to investigate. The floral notes are meant to invoke summers on the beach. But would it smell like Diddy’s White Party or Billy Joel after too much white wine?

We asked a panel of olfactory-gifted ladies to give us their opinions.

The results may (or may not) shock you.

Here’s what they had to say:

“More Jones Beach than Montauk.”

“A beautiful lawn party with undertones of backstabbing.”

“Ralph Lauren’s medicine cabinet.”

“A picnic in a lush meadow with an overly handsy date.”

“Smells like a maître d’.”

“The nape of Chas Tenenbaum’s tracksuit.”

“My grandmother after a night of questionable decisions.”

“A gardening store for people who have no use for gardening stores.”

“Ill-gotten capital.”

—A.P.B.

CONTRIBUTORS

  • Andrew Bradbury