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Tomato sauce, mozzarella, a touch of oregano: ingredients for delicious pizza or top notes for dubious cologne?

If you’d asked yesterday, we’d have scoffed at even the idea of the latter. But then a bottle of Pizza, the Neapolitan-inspired aroma from Demeter Fragrance Labs, found its way into Kempt HQ. Claiming to “stretch the boundary of the concept of wearable fragrance,” it’s “a departure” that we couldn’t not have our resident scent-hounds put to the test. Because as much as we love the cheesy stuff, we’re just not sure if we’d want to reek of it.

Their nasal musings, in the form of a Smell Test™, now:

It smells like Godfather’s Pizza. Cheese, with a bit of parmesan.

Definitely old, stale pizza, the morning after, surrounded by half-empty beer cans, with cigarette butts inside and some guy no one remembers sleeping on the couch next to it. Just awful.

One part Pizza Hut breadsticks, two parts Papa John’s back alley.

It’s like hot death with a whisper of fraternity house common room.

If throw up threw up, it would smell like this three days later.

Smells like a Joe Corbi’s fundraiser with a hint of Olde English.

This might explain why I suddenly felt an intense craving to devour an entire bag of pepperoni Combos.

It smells like waking up after a frat party and knowing you’ve made a huge mistake before you even open your eyes.

Holy fucking yikes.

— S.P.

CONTRIBUTORS

  • Stephen Praetorius