1980s metal, without a doubt the most absurd era of grooming in music, hits the big screen this June in Rock of Ages, and we like what we see: really good actors with really bad hair, including Tom Cruise, Russell Brand, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Mary J. Blige and Alec Baldwin—who, in the trailer released along with Sherlock Holmes 2, declares, “This place is about to become a sea of sweat, ear-shattering music and puke.” Ah, 1987.

Simply put: the dudes looked like ladies, thanks to Technicolor spandex, eyeliner, cocaine and a shitload of Aqua Net Purple, glam-rock’s preferred brand of hair spray. In fact, it’s rumored that members of Poison would exhaust one or two bottles each, every show. Thus the whole ozone layer conundrum.

—C.B.S.

CONTRIBUTORS

  • C. Brian Smith