We hoped this day would never come.

Unfortunately, this picture arrived over the wire this weekend, and our country’s LaBeouf situation can no longer be ignored.

First, the ponytail, or should we say man bun. It’s not actually a bad look, under the right circumstances. (See: Depp, Johnny.) There’s a certain well-scrubbed Japanese style that could work perfectly for Shi if he shaved the beard and got acquainted with Alexander Wang. But then, the beard happened…

It’s worth dwelling on the beard because nearly everything about it goes wrong. A well-groomed beard can strengthen a man’s jawline, but here it just creates a black hole between neck and chin. It’s like some terrible throat fungus that’s swallowed up the bottom half of his face. The worst sign: there’s a clear six-inch beard line running down from his earlobe, completely unaffected by his chin.

We respect the long beard as much as anyone, but this should serve as a reminder: if you don’t take up a trimmer from time to time, things can get very messy.

—R.B.

CONTRIBUTORS

  • Russell Brandom