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Today, the Academy unveiled this year’s Oscar nominees. And it got us thinking… about how Robert Redford totally got snubbed. And about how we’d do it, if we got to run the show…

First: we’d change the name to something like “The Kempties.”

Then we’d throw out all the categories and start anew, focusing solely on the menswear. So we collected our collective memories of the past year’s worth of handsomeness on film and tried to nail down what exactly made each film stylish—much like the actual Oscars, we’re breaking down the movies by individual garment performance, not just handing out awards willy-nilly.

So without further ado, the Kempty for Best Oxford Cloth Button-Down in a Supporting Role goes to…

0116kempties1Best Oxford Cloth Button-Down in a Supporting Role: Jonah Hill’s Fun Shirt in The Wolf of Wall Street.

GANGSTER SQUAD Standout Performance by a Hat in a 1940s Ensemble Cast: Ryan Gosling’s blue fedora in Gangster Squad.

0116kempties3 Best Live-Action Dive Watch in a Leading Role: Robert Redford’s Seiko in All Is Lost.

2012, THE GREAT GATSBY The Special Achievement in Black Tie Award: Leonardo DiCaprio’s tuxedo in The Great Gatsby.

0116kempties5 Best Adapted High-Waisted Pant: Joaquin Phoenix in Her.

0116kempties6 Best Live Object as an Accessory: The cat in Inside Llewyn Davis.

0116kempties7 Best Visual Gravity-Defying-Hair Effects: George Clooney’s hair in Gravity.

0116kempties8 Best Foreign Language Definition of Sprezzatura: Every single damn thing in The Great Beauty.

0116kempties9 The Lifetime Achievement in Turtlenecks Award: The many glorious turtlenecks of Ron Burgundy in the Anchorman series.

0116kempties10 The Toshiro Mifune Honorary Award for Outstanding Ponytail: Shia LaBeouf’s ponytail in Charlie Countryman.

CONTRIBUTORS

  • Kempt Staff