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Apparently Esquire isn’t the only print mag getting into the men’s advice racket.

We recently ran into this Men’s Health article offering up “40 Unwritten Rules to Live By.” Leaving aside that they clearly aren’t unwritten anymore, we have to admit we’re a bit disappointed. Maybe they’ve been at this for long enough that all the good unwritten rules were already taken…

3) *Don’t bluff more than once in a poker game with friends.*
At that point, you might as well just play Parcheesi.

5) *Wear as much black as you can. It makes you look slimmer and cooler. But avoid black jeans.*
We understand dumbing things down for a mass audience, but this is a bit excessive. Is Zinczenko a closet goth?

15) *Easy on the mayo!*
How much mayonnaise a man consumes is nobody’s business but his own.

29) *Always imply, in every possible way, that the person you’re talking to is smarter, better-looking, slimmer, and more successful than they really are.*
Be careful with this one, or you’ll end up in a twenty-minute conversation about knitting.

32) *An ounce of appearance is worth a pound of substance.*
Who’s to say they aren’t the same thing?

—R.B.

CONTRIBUTORS

  • Russell Brandom