Michael Bastian

There’s a reason people don’t like flip-flops, but it’s not the reason you think.

Exhibit A is the latest quote from Michael Bastian, in support of his new flip-flop collab:

The main rule is if you’re gonna wear a flip-flop, you’ve gotta keep your feet in good shape. Even if that means a full-on pedicure, you gotta do it. Wearing flip-flops is a privilege, not a right.

That’s all true. If you want to devote your energies to rehabbing your feet, you can do that. And once you’ve tanned, toned and pedicured them into display condition, you’ll be a lot better prepared for flip-flops. But we’ve got a humble suggestion, while there’s still time to change your mind…

Don’t.

Each man must find a balance between loving his body as it is and grooming it to be less disgusting to everyone else. The extremes are obviously a problem—you don’t want to end up stinking up a subway car or having a panic attack about the length of your fingernails—but as long as you’re somewhere in the middle, the details are up to you.

Different men land in different places. Consider Michael Bastian. He works in fashion. He always looks great. He designs clothes that make other people look great, and part of the reason he always looks great is to remind those around him how skilled he is at making people and things look great. He’s really good at it. If Michael Bastian wants to take on the project of making his feet look good, he’s dedicated enough to make that happen.

Now consider yourself. We don’t know you (that would be weird), but we’d bet you fall somewhere below Michael Bastian in the grooming spectrum. So before you bite off more than you can chew, you should take a moment and consider whether renovating your feet is really worth the effort. Even under the best circumstances, the foot’s a pretty ugly beast—and it’s rare to notice that one pair’s worse than another. If you decide to stake your reputation on your toes, you’ll be pouring hour after hour into spa-going with only marginal improvement. It’s an easier and happier life to just accept your feet for the unsightly creatures they are.

Which will involve not wearing flip-flops.

—R.B.

CONTRIBUTORS

  • Russell Brandom