Cops in Shorts

As we’ve mentioned before, we tend to be skeptical of shorts in a professional setting. Even if you’re spending much of your day outside, there simply has to be another way.

But recent news has put our credo to the test. Apparently the police officers who patrol the U.S. Capitol have been banned from wearing shorts, despite 100-plus temperatures in DC. But the reason, we have to say, is a good one: knee shorts look silly when you’re carrying an automatic rifle.

We’re hard-pressed to disagree.

The Capitol Police have to instill respect in the rule of law—in the very seat of government they protect—and that’s just not going to happen in cargo shorts. It’s also not going to happen if the officer in question is about to collapse from heat stroke, but there must be a middle ground somewhere. And with a swarm of bloggers is already rushing to ridicule the decision on behalf of the officers’ smothered calves, but we thought we’d take the lead in mediating some kind of compromise.

For instance, is there any institutional directive against linen? Being south of the Mason-Dixon, surely we could equip the officers with some midnight-blue seersucker? Perhaps some combination of high-water pants and performance espadrilles? It won’t be cheap, but the safety of our legislators is at stake.

Please write your congressman.

—R.B.

CONTRIBUTORS

  • Russell Brandom