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Morrissey releases World Peace Is None of Your Business, his 10th studio album, today in the United States.

We had scheduled an interview with him, but we received a call from his representative that Sir Moz had to cancel due to a sudden case of the I’d Rather Nots.

We, however, were able to get an exclusive interview with his longtime associate, his hair…

Congratulations on the release of World Peace Is None of Your Business, out today in the United States. You must be very proud.

Well, thank you very much, but I can’t take any of the credit. It’s really Moz’s thing. I was just sort of there, you know? Along for the ride, as it were. Minding my own business, really. I do my own thing.

Well, you do make a rather dapper and distinguished appearance on the new cover.

You mean next to that chocolate lab Moz is happily tormenting? Well, one would look distinguished, wouldn’t one? Anyway, distinguished is how polite people call you old. You can say it. I’m old. For a rock star, ancient. I’m fine with it, really. I do look good. I’m 55 (well, technically about 54 and a half). But it’s all me. Nary a plug in there. Let’s see Sir Elton say that.

I agree, though. It is a good cover. I mean, it’s not quite the Everyday Is Like Sunday single. Now that was good. Anton Corbijn. Now that guy really understood me. Genius.

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So all that stuff on the album about governments run amok and the inanity of bullfighting doesn’t really interest you?

Nah, not really. I mean, look, I’m not saying I use any product that was tested on animals. Cruelty-free pomade and all that. But T-bone steaks are evil? Leave me out of it, mate.

Anyway, I’m more into the Smiths stuff.

Wait—you are?
I mean. Don’t get me wrong. Viva Hate. Vauxhall. Even bits of Kill Uncle. Bloody brilliant. But look at me in the gatefold of The Queen Is Dead. Look at me in the “Stop Me” video. I mean. That’s now a quiff.

Well, you’ve been a big part of Morrissey’s career for a long time, haven’t you?

Big part? Are you making a pun?

No.

Look, I’m not saying I’m Johnny Marr. But yeah: The ’80s were crazy. Everyone was getting high. Some used coke. Some used E. But good ol’ Moz used Studio Line by L’Oreal.

Any highlights? Again, not a pun.

Well, without telling tales out of school. “Hairdresser on Fire.” I pretty much inspired that one. Have you ever tried to get a hair appointment in a posh Sloan Square salon on a Saturday? Talk about murder.

You do know you have your own Tumblr, right? Fuck Yeah Morrissey’s Hair.

Ugh. Yeah. Can’t talk about it. Stalker issues. Restraining order. Ugly. Let’s leave it at that. But sure, it’s flattering in a way. I won’t lie.

—C.L.

CONTRIBUTORS

  • Chris LaMorte