The Hemingway Beard: A Users Guide
This is the latest installment in our heroically gruff series on Hemingway Days, examining the charms of spare prose, sport fishing and all things Ernest.
Look at that beard. Just look at it.
It’s quite possibly the gold standard of over-50 facial hair, the envy of salty gentlemen across this great land of ours. To that end, we’ve put together a quick guide on how to cultivate a glorious muzzle of your own. Gentlemen, start your follicles.
Let us preface: if you’re going to incorporate this into your own whiskery pursuits, we advise extreme caution—literary greatness might be the least of such an endeavor’s side-effects—but we’re going to give our guidance anyhow. Your first step is a 40-to-50-year-long aging process—like a fine scotch—to acquire the proper snow-white color. Once your chin scruff has reached an optimal thickness and graying, you can move on to steps two and three: Let it grow naturally for months—which will eventually turn into years—then use a pair of scissors strong enough to shear through your face-grizzle to keep it in the basic shape of your extended jaw line.
Our parting advice would be to mind your coif, lest you look more homeless than Hemmingway. That, and you should probably spend most of your days in and out of coastal dive bars between outings of big game sportfishing off the Keys. Maybe do a little writing if the notion strikes you.
- — Najib Benouar