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The two-month marathon of debauchery otherwise known as Mardi Gras is coming to an end tomorrow, aka Fat Tuesday.

But before we settle in for the Lenten season, we’ve put together a handy guide to what your Bourbon Street imbibing is really telling those beautifully beaded sirens surrounding you.

Presenting the definitive guide to what your Mardi Gras cocktail says about you:

0303KMT_MardiGras_1The Hand Grenade: “Siiiiick, brah. I can drink four drinks at once.”

0303KMT_MardiGras_2The Hurricane: “It’s not my first time.”

0303KMT_MardiGras_3The One That Comes in a Test Tube: “My fake ID totally worked!”

0303KMT_MardiGras_4The Sazerac: “I appreciate the subtle science and fine art that is cocktailing.”

0303KMT_MardiGras_5The Creole Bloody Mary: “Well, last night escalated quickly. I mean—that really got out of hand fast.”

0303KMT_MardiGras_6The Daiquiri: “I’m probably a newb, but I’m trying desperately to blend in.”

0303KMT_MardiGras_7The Can of Beer: “I’m over the French Quarter and all the damn tourists.”

0303KMT_MardiGras_8The Brandy Milk Punch: “I’m starting the day off bright and early.”

0303KMT_MardiGras_9The Flaming Dr Pepper: “I’m at Gold Mine.”

—C.G.

CONTRIBUTORS

  • Caitlin Ganswindt