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The sins of sweatpants are legion, but we’d nail it down to one precise factor: the fit. Or, to be even more precise, the complete absence of it. Even the trimmest pair tends to hang from the waist like a pair of unusually puffy curtains. The hate is well-earned but with mistakes like those, it shouldn’t too hard to do better, right?

Fil Melange is doing its best. These “Vonnegut” pants look like jeans from afar, but look closer and you’ll see what the description tactfully labels as “sweatshirt material.” Which is to say, yes, they’re sweatpants—but please don’t call them that.

They look pretty handsome, to be honest, and we don’t doubt they’d be the most comfortable pants in our closet. Still…this can’t help but feel like a supervillain emerging from a long prison stay. They’re reformed, we swear!

What’s the matter? Don’t you trust them?

—R.B.

CONTRIBUTORS

  • Russell Brandom