All signs are pointing to an unseasonably mild winter this year—there hasn’t been much snow on the ground anywhere to speak of.

Which means, when some fresh powder finally does make landfall, you’re going to have to make the best of it. Especially when it comes to building a snowman. And in our grand new tradition of winning the holidays, we’re going to ensure the Frosty in your yard is cooler than cool (see what we did there?). We’re talking about throwing caution to the wind and building the most luxurious, stately, money-is-no-object snowman that your holidays deserve.

We’re calling him “the snow gentleman.” Allow us to explain…

If you’re the sort of person who enjoys the finer things in life (you are reading Kempt, aren’t you?), then you probably already have a few integral items to make this the grandest snowman anyone’s ever encountered: tuxedo-shirt studs, a cashmere scarf, an organic carrot for his nose…

But there are some additional pieces you might consider investing in as well:

For starters, consider a handmade artisanal broom.

And, of course, a hat. While top hats are typical, we wouldn’t discourage you from trying something a little more rakish.

And even in 2012, he needs a wooden pipe. (Our favorites are hand-carved in the Ukraine.)

For his eyes, track down a couple bejeweled doorknobs (or borrow them from the armoire, no one will mind) and maybe consider upping his trad-cred with a monocle. For his arms, “reclaim” some yew branches, ideally from the floorboards of an 18th-century farmhouse… though the nearest tree works in a pinch. Just keep in mind that you’re stuck with this stuff once the old fellow melts.

You’ve always wanted an artisanal broom anyway.

—N.B.

CONTRIBUTORS

  • Najib Benouar