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Sometimes, you see something so horrible it makes you want to swear off retail entirely—something so foul, it calls into question the entire endeavor of making, buying and wearing new clothes. And frequently, the name Jimmy Choo is somehow involved.

The brand-that-must-not-be-named is getting its start in mens footwear, and the resulting haul includes high-tops made of cashmere, a faux-crocodile galosh with a pronounced heel and not a single thing we would consider putting on our feet.

We don’t want to make broad generalizations about menswear and womenswear, so we’ll just say that the problem here goes beyond the basic wrong-headedness of making a high-heeled galosh. (To wearers: tread carefully.) Jimmy Choo stands for everything you shouldn’t want in a winter boot: empty branding and aggressively anti-functional design.

If you need us, we’ll be drinking to forget.

—R.B.

CONTRIBUTORS

  • Russell Brandom