The Worst Accessory to Sandals Since Socks
What happens when you combine hallucinogenic drugs and venture capital money? KUSA Fake Grass Flip-Flops by Yashin™ happens.
From time to time, we come across a bad idea so bad that it verges on being dangerous. And since we’re committed to limiting your style liability at all costs, we felt it our duty to walk you through the matted, slimy and downright ridiculous claims being made by the Australian ravers-turned-footwear-experts at KUSA by Yashin™.
KUSA Claim: “It’s the sensation of walking barefoot on grass. Anywhere! Anytime!”
Kempt Disclaim: It’s the sensation of marching on two square feet of astroturf over and over and over again. Think “Barefoot in the Tiny, Artificial Park. With Shoes On.”
KUSA Claim: “With a quiet nod to the culture that brought the first flip-flops to the world, KUSA takes the everyday flip-flop and adds a twist.”
Kempt Disclaim: The Aussies are going to have to duke it out with this guy for credit on inventing the open-toed shoe. How about a not-so-silent nod to cheap office space and shoddy packaging?
KUSA Claim: “KUSA flip-flops give you an extra layer of comfort.”
Kempt Disclaim: The extra layer of comfort provided by KUSA flip-flops is about the same you’d enjoy by duct-taping a pair of golf divots to the soles of your feet.
KUSA Claim: “It’s comfort you can’t feel anywhere else.”
Kempt Disclaim: … including the beach, now that you have an inch of fake grass standing between you and the comfortable sand.
KUSA Claim: “Great press for KUSA!”
Kempt Disclaim: Also featured in this issue of great press: “My 4-Day Rape Hell,” “Baby Born Without Blood!” and “A Date with Satan.”
KUSA Claim: “Our unique Syn-Turf material conforms to and is naturally shaped by the individual contours of your feet. These flip-flops are designed for YOUR feet. The thick layer of Syn-Turf may feel tight the first time your KUSA flip-flops are worn. Don’t worry, just wriggle your foot around to shape it to your foot. The Syn-Turf may flatten with repeated use and may need to be ‘fluffed occasionally.’ DO NOT MOW!!!”
Kempt Disclaim: Honestly, if you believe this shit, knock yourself out.
Our suggestion? Save the $29.99 (plus $50 S&H to the US) and go with the ol’ standby…
Note: The above claims can be found on kusashoes.com.
- — C. Brian Smith