The Horror of the Onesie
We try not to get too worked up about the slankets of the world, but a newly arrived item in LA’s Kitson Robertson seems dangerous enough to require immediate action.
Ladies and gentlemen, the fair isle onesie. Look upon it, and despair.
It’s basically a full-body hoodie (or if you prefer, a footless footie), the kind of thing you wear to broadcast the fact that you’ve stopped trying to interact with anyone who isn’t a cat. Sure it’s comfortable; that’s why it’s dangerous. That sweatpantsy indulgence is what leads intelligent, capable members of society into a life of indolence, shame, and blogging about microwaved foods.
Also, while it’s not mechanically impossible to have sex while wearing a onesie, it does seem unlikely.
You’ve been warned.
—R.B.
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- — Russell Brandom
