Generally, we’re fans of function. Pockets, for instance, and tough fabrics that can handle wear and weather. But that doesn’t mean we want we want our suspenders to do anything other than suspend.
And, in general, we’d prefer it if you left our collar stays alone.
Enter Exuvius, a company offering laser-cut collar stays that double as a bottle opener, two types of screwdriver, and a thread-cutter. Leaving aside the question of how that Phillips-head looks in a collar, how exactly is a gentleman supposed to get it out of his collar without looking, well, less than gentlemanly? We’re all in favor of paying a little more attention to collar support, but going the Swiss Army route won’t do anyone any favors.
And last time we checked, Macgyver was more of a work shirt man.
ALL
TAGS
It’s worthwhile to pay attention to what you’ve got in your closet. For instance, is that pinewood cane also a sword? It’s all in the details
This Wall Street Journal piece brought our attention to the surprising number of sword-canes being confiscated by airport security, simply as a result of absent-mindedness.
We’ve got no problem with the sword-cane in general—if it’s good enough for Zaitoichi, it’s good enough for us—but dressing for the occasion probably dictates not bringing any concealed medieval weaponry to the airport.
The lesson: Whether it’s the exact shade of purple in your argyle sweater or the throwing knives concealed in your work boots, check it out before you put it on.
ALL
TAGS
It’s hard living in a post-Snuggie world. Every garment in the modern arsenal is in danger of being replaced by a fleece-stitched curio, emerging seemingly at random from the troubled collective consciousness. What rough beast slouches towards QVC to be born?
This time, it’s called the Neckie, and it solves the intractable problem of loose, dangling scarves, prone to getting stuck in car doors, dangling loosely out of jackets, and (presumably) catching on fire near open flames. The solution? A fully adjustable fuzz bib. Also available in leopard print.
We could say something here about how the loose scarf ends are ideal for plugging up topcoat seams, how a little roaming bulk can come in extremely handy when winter sets in
but somehow, we doubt prospective Necky customers will listen to reason. Just say no, kids.
The face of the enemy»
ALL
TAGS
Public art can mean more than just posters on walls
but when it starts to move to denim jacket liners, we get a little queasy.
Shepard Fairey’s Obey label just announced a large-scale collaboration with Levi’s and this jacket is only the beginning. Next Thursday, Fairey will take over the façade of Levi’s Times Square shop, and unveil four new posters to be given away with a Levi’s purchase.
Fairey’s pleading “public art”—it’s populist denim, after all, not Louis Vuitton—but we’d prefer calling it what it is: marketing. It’s not such a dirty word, really, and Fairey has to pay those legal bills somehow. But next time, he should probably start by looking into spray paint endorsements.
ALL
TAGS
We love Engineered Garments, so it pains us to say this, but this is a bad idea. It’s almost impossible to make a belly-side pouch attractive, even when you’re working with the most respectable fabrics in the world. You can cover it in tweed and call it a “waist bag,” but it’s still a fanny pack. Sorry gents, but we’re not buying it.
ALL
TAGS
We tend to gloss over it, but the traditional dark glass wine bottle is a pretty stunning design object. It’s sleek, geometric, and classy without being ostentatious. In other words, it’s perfect just the way it is.
But you can’t please everyone, so Christian Audigier has taken it upon himself to make French wine “cool again.” Apparently by covering it with day-glo panthers.
Audigier’s trying to draw in the whisky-and-beer crowd, but as usual he’s missing the point. Wine isn’t whisky and covering it with tattoos isn’t going to change that. All it does is ride roughshod over the centuries of French style, and show off his own very short memory.
And produce some extremely ugly beverages in the process.
ALL
TAGS
Pastel can be effective, if used sparingly, and it’s worth having a few lighter items in your closet. But we wouldn’t start with baby blue pants. In fact, we’d stay away from these entirely.
Corduroy is pretty twee to begin with, and coloring it like a baby blanket pushes it past McSweeneys into manchild territory. We’ve got nothing against Mr. Rogers—in fact, we regard him as the unspoken pioneer of the cardigan—but even the most unimpeachably masculine among us would have trouble pulling this off.
Everyone ages out of looks, but the cutoff for this is probably somewhere around puberty.
ALL
TAGS
When used right, repurposed fabrics can give familiar items a new twist, make a clever comment on material sourcing, or just give great cloth a second chance. But you always have to consider where it’s been
For instance, we’d think twice before wearing nylon that was once part of an inflatable sex toy. There just isn’t enough bleach in the world.
ALL
TAGS
We see a lot of bikes on our daily RSS trawl, and as strange as they get, they all get at least one thing right: function comes first. It’s not a car, and it’s not a tie. Let’s not overthink it.
For instance, by covering it with fake fur.
ALL
TAGS
For the record, we have a lot of respect for Yohji Yamamoto, and we don’t want him to stop indulging himself.
But when you’re dressing grown men like 60-year-old female librarians, it may be time to reassess your principles.
The worst part is, we can imagine exactly how this happened. The shirt got looser and looser, and longer and longer, and more and more tartan. We’re betting Yohji didn’t know he’d made a shawl until it was all too late.
As for the skirt…your guess is as good as ours.
ALL
TAGS
For a heritage brand, Dunhill’s been a little shaky lately.
Take, for instance, their latest lighter design. It’s modeled after the lighter Elvis used in the 50s, and not a bad specimen as Elvis-related trinkets go. With a history going all the way back to the 1890s, Dunhill’s well-equipped to take on this particular historical reissue, but the whole enterprise seems unhealthy somehow.
It’s not Elvis himself—although taking on his legacy is a hefty task—but the overwhelming sense that they’ve somehow gotten into the souvenir business
Perhaps we should elaborate»
ALL
TAGS
We like to think we’re fighting back the ridiculous here at Kempt, but occasionally we see something that tests our faith in the underlying sanity of the fashion industry.
They just never learn, do they?
ALL
TAGS
All luxury eventually curdles into self-parody, as Karl Lagerfeld can attest. And when it does, it’s never pretty.
But by the time you’re putting a bowtie and leopard print shorts on a dog, the game is pretty much over. What happened, Cavalli?
Then again, when you start being name-checked in rap songs, turning to canine fashion may be the only sensible move left.
ALL
TAGS
We’re used to seeing this sort of thing on runways, but when it goes retail, we feel compelled to sound the alarm bells before some fashion-forward lady friend of ours makes an impulse buy and finds herself looking at the world through her own personal beaded curtain.
In all sincerity: If you wear this, you will trip and hurt yourself.
And possibly jingle when you walk.
ALL
TAGS
Your portfolio may be down the tubes, but we implore you not to follow it. Keep your composure when all about you are losing theirs! Remain kempt in the face of unkemptness. Retain sartorial virtue.
And do not, under any circumstances, wear slippers you’ve cut from a sheet of velco-enhanced felt.
Please.
ALL
TAGS
Male corsets have been around for longer than we like to consider, and it’s no surprise that they’ve come up with more modern versions.
But a few things haven’t changed. A gut is a gut, and you’re always better off celebrating it. In Shakesperean times or today, a corset is a bad idea.
ALL
TAGS
Thirty years down the line, it’s hard to stay mad over punk rock being coopted by marketing agencies
but somehow Diesel has managed to step over the line.
This year’s marketing mis-step»
ALL
TAGS
The beards of the past are always likely to cause beard envy in the younger, more stubbly generations. It’s a common phenomenon that Freud referred to as “The Bunyan Complex.”
But trust us, knitting facial hair is not the answer.
ALL
TAGS
Of course, if JFK isn’t quite your speed, there’s always more recent royalty to pick through. For instance, the king of pop.
Michael Jackson has fallen on hard times lately—after all, lawyers ain’t cheap—and he’s putting a few of his less essential purchases up for auction. The result is a peek behind the scenes at one of pop culture’s strangest creations, sequins and all. For a good chunk of the 80s, the glittering epaulette look was the coolest thing anyone had seen. The plastic aviators may be the only thing that survived.
We sift through Michael Jackson’s leftovers»
ALL
TAGS
You might think Fashion Week would be drama enough, but there’s always room for a little more.
FashionIndie President Daniel Saynt just cancelled all the site’s upcoming events, video premieres, and a good chunk of their Fashion Week coverage, and announced a lawsuit against the New York Observer. The lawsuit is in response to a catty lead paragraph from last week’s paper that called them out on crashing fashion week events
but don’t worry if things don’t quite add up. It’s not just you.
Frankly, we thought Saynt & Co. took pride in the occasional gatecrash, but calling off their own parties smacks of desperation and—even worse—thin skin. Calling in a lawyer is the weakest play in the book, and it’s simply not the blogger way. If you can’t take a jab or two from a broadsheet, how are you going to survive Gawker?
For goodness sakes, this is the internet.
ALL
TAGS
Like all country-tinged bloggers, we have nothing but good things to say about the impending nuptials of singer/actress Mandy Moore and former Blackbook intern Ryan Adams, but we thought we’d take this opportunity to offer him some style advice, hopefully in time to keep the wedding pictures from being too embarrassing.
There’s a fine line between embracing your inner ’92 and just wearing a Kurt Cobain costume every day. And bleached hair is probably where you cross that line.
ALL
TAGS
Runway fashion is easy to mock
so what the hell, let’s give it a go.
Best Week Ever has summed up the S/S 09 runway season with a set of 25 models forced to dress outside any normal conception of dignity. There are a few missteps, particularly the inclusion of an impeccably dressed older gentleman, but otherwise it’s a pretty good census of the most ridiculous and downright off-putting getups to grace this year’s runways.
See our favorites»
ALL
TAGS
Although he’s made a few questionable calls, there’s still a lot of good will behind Shepard Fairey, especially when he’s helping out the newly minted prez. But now that the flush of the election is over, the Associated Press has decided to take a few shots.
Gentlemen, light your torches»
ALL
TAGS
We have a lot of love for Bruce Springsteen, so it’s hard for us to see him flub a crotch slide on national TV. But if we were to take one lesson away from the experience, it would be the following: never do anyhing that might end up reenacted on YouTube.
See the reenactment in question»
ALL
TAGS
Now that Guitar Hero and Rock Band have catapulted music into the video game sphere, everyone’s getting in on the game
and the results are getting pretty ugly.
Microsoft Songsmith, for instance, is meant to make songwriting accessible to everyone with a computer and a non-metallic ear, but it’s turned into a near-endless supply of 90s soft-rock shmaltz. And, unfortunately for Mr. Gates, it’s far better as comedy than music.
The result is a long string of previously beloved songs—“Creep,” “Roxanne,” and “Beat It,” for a start—digitally chewed up and spat out until almost unrecognizable. But a good music video always helps
Let the YouTubing begin»
ALL
TAGS
It’s one of the less useful rules of style, but worth remembering: If you’re a rock star, you can get away with just about anything. There are still limits though, and these boots might just fall outside them.
Made for Justin Tranter of the Semi-Precious Weapons, they’re a size 12 with a patent leather model still in the works. We love glam rock as much as the next guy, but the trick is usually to come off like an androgynous alien, not a cross-dressing off-duty policeman.
And it’s not 1972 anymore.
ALL
TAGS
Now that the cultural novelty of the iPod has worn off, we’re left with a lot of distant-looking people in public places. We aren’t suggesting you start talking to people on the subway—we’re not crazy—but disengaging from the world is rarely an attractive thing, and probably best kept private and unadvertised, like knitting or watching Heroes.
All of which means you’d do best to keep it off your tie.
ALL
TAGS
Making fun of high-fashion shows is usually pretty close to shooting fish in a barrel. They know it’s ridiculous; that’s the point. But while we’re willing to let the occasional rubber butcher outfit slide, we felt compelled to bring this particular Alexander McQueen outfit to light.
Usually, when you want to capture a thought in clothing form, you don’t want the thought to be “did he have chowder for lunch?”
ALL
TAGS
We have officially turned on Shepard Fairey. It took a lot, but he’s finally soured us on the idea of him ever doing anything at all.
It took a lot. His early work was so interesting, he’s paved the way for a lot of more interesting street art, and let’s face it: the Obama poster buys a lot of good will. But he’s finally run through the last bits of it.
How he lost us»
ALL
TAGS
Worn-in jeans have been the target of enough abuse over the years, but the chino—their more work-appropriate cousin—gets by with an equally egregious offense. Ladies and gentlemen, check your hems.
At some point, it because standard practice to pre-distress hems, for more or less the same reason as jeans. The result seems more authentic and worthwhile, but it’s neither. These particular hems are courtesy of J. Crew, but they’re hardly alone in wearing out hems a little early.
Allow us to say, as the voice of reason: stop it. Please just stop it. Stop it.
Thank you.
ALL
TAGS
Now that the inauguration’s in sight, Obama’s sartorial honeymoon may be coming to a close. It started with the Magnificent Bastard noticing some of his latest style choices including some decidedly Clintonian golfwear—hardly change we can believe in.
So far we’re inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt, just like on his cabinet picks. But if he starts wearing Crocs and reading the National Review, we’ll know we’re in trouble.
ALL
TAGS
Being men of the world, we tend not to look to Dear Abby for sartorial advice. And this week, we were reminded why.
In Wednesday’s paper (via The Cut), she took up the question of a Pennsylvania man who, as he delicately puts it, “wears skirts for comfort.” Her advice? “As long as you have the testicular fortitude and shapely enough legs to wear skirts, then you have my blessing.” Oh dear
The case in full»
ALL
TAGS
Anyone who’s passed through a multiplex has a good understanding of the rules of superheroism, but it’s usually confined to on-camera antics. And they’re usually somewhere a bit more glamorous than rural Arizona.
The most recent Rolling Stone has a quasi-exposé about the phenomenon of “reals,” grown men who don self-designed costumes to fight the forces of evil
which usually means local purse-snatchers and the occasional drug dealer.
We’re not going to fault them for doing a little amateur police work in their spare time, and a secret identity can come in handy for lots of reasons, but did they really need the costumes? Nobody questions the occasional good Samaritan, but when you start strapping on shin-guards and ordering a SUPRHRO vanity plate, you’ve gone too far. As the Dark Knight so memorably put it, “I’m not wearing hockey pants.”
Rolling Stone defends the Justice Force»
ALL
TAGS
Clint Eastwood’s amazing for a lot of reasons (a more long-winded explanation of his greatness is available here), but his singing voice was never part of the package. And 78 is probably not a good age to start up.
For his upcoming film Gran Torino, he’s putting his tortured pipes on full display over the closing credits. The result could most flatteringly be described as “whispery,” but Vulture’s description—“Tom Waits with a punctured lung”—is probably also valid.
Listen here
ALL
TAGS
He may not realize it, but Shepard Fairey is one of the most promising artists of his generation. We can’t think of any American street artists who have managed as thorough an urban transformation as he has in New York, and his Obama poster is easily one of the most iconic images produced by any artist in over a decade. He deserves a cash-in or two; we just wish he could have made it a little more tasteful.
Fairey launched the OBEY clothing store today, and it’s genuinely abysmal. It’s a thrown together assortment of sub-Urban Outfitters schlock that treats Fairey’s meticulously collected phrases as if they were a brand on the level of Bugs Bunny, ready to be silkscreened onto sweatshirts en masse without any attention to actual style or design.
In every item, it’s obvious that Fairey has absolutely no interest in becoming a viable clothing designer. Which is fine by us. We just wish he could have stuck to gallery sales.
ALL
TAGS
We love obscure hats more than most, but we draw the line at the fez. Making it taller and giving it a brim won’t change anything.
This one comes from the multi-culturally named Giuliano Fujiwara. Their summer line has some very solid shades, but somehow their flagship headpiece ended up looking like a collaboration between the shriners, the cossacks and the snowboarder crowd. In other words, a bad idea.
See the top hat fez in its natural habitat, a fashion show»
ALL
TAGS
When will the Murakami collaborations stop?
It’s his own fault in a lot of ways: He developed an easily replicated aesthetic, a half-earnest approach towards branding, and a general philosophy of trying anything once. But by the time he started making watches, he should have known the jig was up.
Thanks, Kanye. Thanks a lot.
ALL
TAGS
We’re on the record as loving flannel, but there are always limits. And this is pretty clearly outside of them.
So in honor of Paul Frank’s buffalo check underwear, we’re minting a brand new rule of style: Wearing plaid is like boxing. Let’s keep it above the waist.
ALL
TAGS
We like our leather jacket as much as anyone, and the occasional exotic touch isn’t the worst thing in the world. But this is just awful.
Leaving aside the flat-out grotesqueness and the unnatural splay of the digits, anything that leaves dead claws brushing gently against a woman’s neck is bound to be a bad idea.
Quite frankly, we’re creeped out just looking at it.
ALL
TAGS
We love the futuristic look as much as the next guy—probably a good deal more, actually—but we have to draw the line. And we draw it at a substance called acrylic, also known as plexiglass.
This table from Spectrum West is probably astonishingly easy to clean, but at some point you’re going to want to own something that doesn’t smell like Windex. It’s great if you’re making a movie about a dystopic future, but anyone who has it in their living room is probably way too intense to interact with.
Also, it costs $3000.
ALL
TAGS
The Threadless culture has inspired a lot of innovation, but there’s also been a wash of half-baked and out-and-out lazy designs letting a square inch of embroidery substitute for an actual idea. The most recent offender? Attus Prep.
We Are the Market big-upped these polos, but they’re just standard issue catalog-wear with an “edgy” symbol—a mohawked punk, a 40 oz bottle, a stripper on a pole—stitched where the usual polo player or seagull would go.
There’s a press packet, a few choice anti-establishment quotes, and logos to spare. If they just had some clothes, they might have something.
ALL
TAGS
The second in our series of items that will get you arrested, the “greenaid” answers the pressing question, “How do I carry around a spare bag without using handles?” and the even more pressing question, “How can I scare the bejezus out of the people behind me in line at Whole Foods?”
Think of it as killing two birds with one grenade.
ALL
TAGS
Magazine editors are always scraping the barrel for photoset ideas, but we’d prefer it if they stayed away from universally beloved figures of children’s literature. There are a lot of different reasons to dress a man up in a straw hat and a hideous plaid suit. Leave Roald Dahl alone!
Apparently the temptation was just too great for the folks at UK Vogue. The result is a photoset full of Dahl quotes, incongruous models, strangely unappealing nudity and, for some reason, Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter. We wish we could say something to explain it all, but there are simply no words.
The horror, the horror»
ALL
TAGS
We’re all about creative materials, but this was a bad idea from the beginning.
We usually like wooden things—they can add warmth to a room, or a bit of wit to gadget design—but this one doesn’t work on either front. To recap for those who came in late, the purpose of a tie is to drape and/or hang. These polished logs aren’t going to do either; they’re just going to clack around stiffly every time you move.
ALL
TAGS
It’s a new country out there and a new set of rules. Change and Hope (and, occasionally, Chope) are spreading throughout our land even as we speak. But a bad idea is still a bad idea.
And carrying this through an airport will still probably get you arrested.
ALL
TAGS
No, don’t adjust your monitor. Velvet pants are not coming back. They may be shiny and they may be comfortable, but all you need to do is glance at this gentleman’s chin stubble to see the impression it gives.
This one comes from Clemens en August, in an otherwise tasteful autumn and winter line. Normally we’d let this sort of thing slide, but the forces of skeeve are already dangerously powerful.
No, this is not the future. It is just another bad idea.
ALL
TAGS
When times are tough, people tend to cut back on things that aren’t absolutely essential. For instance, the market for $500 tanning goggles is probably pretty shaky right now.
Sorry, Mr. Ford. This was a bad idea.
ALL
TAGS
We’re on record as cautious observers of Damien Hirst, but after this he might want to stick to embalmed predators.
Labeled as the Damien Hirst x Levi’s x Warhol Factory Collection, these paint-spun jeans are part of a line that should be hitting Barneys in not too many weeks, but to get these pants in particular you’ll have to find your way to one of the silent auctions Hirst is setting up. It’s a clever bit of art/fashion mashing, but as usual, the joke is on you.
They may look good on a wall, but don’t wear them outside.
ALL
TAGS
The world of product placement is not all good ideas. In fact, for every Heineken contract you see on Mad Men, there’s some NASCAR racer with an Whole Foods logo on his hood or a pair of sunglasses with the GE logo pasted over the nose.
Or this.
ALL
TAGS
As we’ve said before, the internet is a strange and frightening place.
We recently stumbled across a site called eMANcipate dedicated to the following simple yet perplexing question: “Why don’t men wear panty hose?”
The answer, of course, is that they’re men, but the folks at eMANcipate aren’t satisfied to leave it at that. The result is a hodge-podge of uncomfortable-looking models and even more uncomfortable-looking calves.
Lest you be tempted off the path, allow us to reiterate: Patterned hosiery is a strictly female endeavor, like childbirth or hosting The View. And that’s a good thing.
ALL
TAGS
The Watchmen movie was never going to be a fan favorite, but our current feelings about it can be expressed through the following tidbit of news, courtesy of our friends at Complex: For the closing credits, emo kids My Chemical Romance have recorded a cover of Bob Dylan’s eleven-minute opus “Desolation Row.”
Please please please no.
This is everything that’s wrong with the Watchmen project and Hollywood in general. Start with a genuinely interesting, prickly subject matter, then churn out an “update” with a stylistic overhaul, a dumbstruck, glib reverence, and almost none of the sinister ambiguity of the original. Isn’t there some way we can use the credit crisis to stop all of this?
ALL
TAGS
Bluetooth earpieces were always a bit creepy, and adding steampunk to the mix doesn’t help anything. It’s clever enough, but the Renaissance Fair vibe is the least of its problems.
We usually want earpieces to be sleek and functional, but after this we may have to add “doesn’t look like it will lay eggs in your brain” to the list.
ALL
TAGS
The art world’s a rough place, but apparently people are increasingly unwilling to call a fraud a fraud. Does this skull look familiar to anyone?
We weren’t thrilled about the crystal skull idea the first time around, but by the second
things are just getting out of hand. The designer, Swarovski’s Quinn Gregory, is just playing his angle, but the rest of the world should know better.
It’s time for some new jewel encrusted objects. And, as it happens, we’ve got a perfectly good coffee cup just laying around. Any takers?
ALL
TAGS
We’re giving our boy Takashi the benefit of the doubt here and assuming this is a knockoff.
Still, imagine the horrifying world we would enter if this sort of thing becomes common practice. So far the world of art and the world of things-you-can-imprint-on-your-jeans have remained blissfully separate. Nobody wants to see a formaldehyde-soaked shark sewn into your Levi’s. Pretty soon, that grungy-looking fellow with the paint-splattered chinos will be asking if you like his Pollocks.
Run, Banksy, run! Save yourself!
ALL
TAGS
Seasons change—at least on the East Coast—and it’s worth it to take a moment for seasonal appropriateness. You can’t wear flannel all year round, and those short have to go back into storage sometime. Suits come in different weights for a reason, and over time, we put together a wardrobe appropriate to our climate, whatever that may be. But even if you live in the land of aerial wolf hunting, there’s still no excuse for wearing this heap of junk.
Somewhere between a snowsuit and a tailored sleeping bag, this loose thread entry provides us with a useful rule of thumb. If you can’t tell if something is clothing or furniture, it might be wise to avoid it entirely.
ALL
TAGS
George Carlin once said that America is good at two things: taking a good idea and running it completely into the ground and taking a bad idea and running it completely into the ground. We’re feeling charitable, so we’ll say this is a case of the former.
We like Takashi Murakami, and Marc Jacobs has been on his game lately, but their Monogramouflage pattern has officially reached the saturation point. This, for instance, is just embarrassing. Designed as a reader giveaway for Numero Tokyo, a Japanese high fashion mag, the mousepad may mark the moment when we got tired of the whole idea of luxury patterns.
That’s right. It’s a mousepad.
It’s no wonder Jacobs is trying to scale back the collaborations. If he isn’t careful, he may end up in the computer business.
ALL
TAGS
We’ve been fans of The Sartorialist for a while, and we’ve never begrudged Mr. Schuman a few side projects, but he may finally have hit a sour note. His latest collab is this microsite with the usually reliable Gant label. The problem isn’t the clothes or the shots, but the people. In ten quick profiles, Mr. Schuman may have inadvertently captured everything that’s irritating about New York City.
Take, for instance, one MacDonald Steffen Huelster (pictured above). He describes his style as “One part Summerset Country Club, two parts Willow River,” which explains the buffalo, at least. But the impossibly preppy name, the WASPy affectation of referring to both of his parents by their full names (Hugh MacDonald Huelster and Christine Steffen Huelster, respectively), and the particularly obnoxious cred grab of referring to his borough as “Brooklyn, King’s County” all mark this gentleman as someone we would like to avoid at all costs. We don’t like to use the h-word; let’s just say it reflects poorly on the brand.
Perhaps an underrated perk of Mr. Schuman’s original blog is that all the participants are silent.
ALL
TAGS
We love innovation—and the fashion business certainly needs more not less—but it’s a risky business. For every good idea, there’s ten different bad ones, and for every genuine trendsetter, there’s another guy who’s wearing glued-together patches of denim.
Also, for every wise blogger championing the new, there’s another gushing about what he knows in his heart is a bad idea.
ALL
TAGS
By now, it’s a truism to say that clothes make a statement. But it’s, well, true.
And in this case, the statement is, “I don’t know how to dress myself.”
It’s not the hardest thing in the world to tie a tie. We suppose it’s fairly difficult compared to, say, combing your hair. If you’re having trouble, there are any number of websites and instructional pamphlets at your disposal. You could even print something out and paste it by your mirror to help you. But for the love of God, don’t start wearing it around your neck. It’s the semi-formal equivalent of a misspelled nametag.
Best of all, the website describes the tie’s 3-inch width as “Euro-chic.” Ah, sophistication
ALL
TAGS
There’s grassroots activism, and then there’s
this.
These Obamafied Air Force Ones were whipped up by a street artist known only as “Van,” and they’ve been making the rounds all day. They don’t quite rise to the level of Kennedy-chic; in fact, they throw the senator’s whole sartorial promise into question.
As a result, we’re throwing down the gauntlet and calling for Obama to denounce these irresponsibly ugly shoes. The American people deserve better than marker-soaked dunks marred by what one commenter correctly diagnoses as “wack execution.” Custom footwear may well be the largest challenge our next president will face. Unless we nip this in the bud, a McCain loafer can’t be too far off.
The senator’s office could not be reached for comment.
ALL
TAGS
It looks like Maxim is feeling apologetic
Page Six is reporting that the lad mag’s August issue names Sarah Jessica Parker as an “unexpected crush.” It’s an interesting move, given that they led the backlash against the Sex & the City star when they named here “Unsexiest Woman Alive” back in October.
We haven’t seen the article, so we can’t say exactly how much crow they’re set to swallow, but they’ve earned it all. Setting aside the schoolyard cruelty of the very idea of an unsexiest list, Ms. Parker was singled out for even pettier reasons. While her listmates Amy Winehouse and Britney Spears were in the midst of genuine substance abuse problems, Parker’s main offense seemed to be that she starred in a show where women had sex. With men! And talked about their feelings! It’s no surprise it was more than the Maxim frat-house could handle.
In retrospect, they should have just changed the channel.
ALL
TAGS
It is an established rule that the farther Karl Lagerfeld ventures outside the stabilizing influence of Paris, the more troubled and chaotic he becomes. Driven mad by weight loss, he’s capable of anything, so when we heard he was headed to Dubai—which seems to occupy its own sphere of madness—we got very, very worried.
Apparently Big K has been contracted to build 80 homes on Dubai’s Isla Moda, a fashion-specific outcropping of The World, a man-made island. Each house will likely be decked out in Chanel-ery, fitting with Dubai’s ultra-luxe tendencies, but we can’t help but wonder why Karl got the nod.
Look deep into his eyes. Do you really want to buy a house from this man?
Lagerbear’s statement, after the jump»
ALL
TAGS
With designers grasping for ideas and movie tie-ins multiplying at an alarming rate, it was only a matter of time before something like this happened.
Still, we were hoping it would take longer.
After years of agitation from Neatorama, Nike is finally rolling out an “Air McFly” model of the kind predicted in Back to the Future Part II. To the cinematically uneducated, the sneaker looks like your usual 80s throwback—making it perfectly in tune with today’s style—but those in on the joke will recognize history in the making.
To play along, Nike has refrained from mentioning the shoe’s inspiration in any of the press materials. Perhaps they have a little shame left after all.
ALL
TAGS
The history of the novelty tie is pretty sordid. But even the piano-key necktie has the virtue of actually being a tie. This unfortunate item is really just the idea of a tie. And, as you may have guessed, it’s a very bad idea.
As usual, the mistake here is in the “quick” part. Wrapping a coat hanger around your neck may seem faster and easier than a half-Windsor, but if you’re in that much of a hurry, you might consider going tieless.
Or should we say, wireless.
ALL
TAGS
We hadn’t given much thought to what the future of tennis would look like. But Lacoste has, and apparently it looks like a combination of Star Wars and American Gladiators.
More on what the future holds»
ALL
TAGS
We’ve always enjoyed Kate Moss, even in her current post-marital phase. And the last time she got together with Agent Provocateur, we had nothing but good things to say.
Unfortunately, Moss’s latest collaboration with the lingerie brand seems to have gone off the rails at some point. But as train wrecks go, it’s pretty spectacular»
ALL
TAGS
It looks like guyliner was only the beginning.
Jean-Paul Gaultier unleashed a line of men’s makeup yesterday called Monsieur, including concealer, eyeliner, brow grooming gel, two bronzers and a self-tanner. The ad materials encourage the makeup as a way to unleash your “inner monsieur,” which creeps us out more than anything we’ve heard in a while.
It isn’t the first time this idea has been tried, but until now, the market hasn’t shown much interest in the powdered dandy look.
Let’s hope our luck keeps up.
ALL
TAGS
Despite what Kanye might tell you, the market for high-end streetwear based on sci-fi movie in-jokes is somewhat limited. And for A Bathing Ape, the Pharrell-endorsed Japanese import, time may be running out.
More on the week in synergy»
ALL
TAGS
Looking over all the loose threads we’ve piled up, you might think they just come out of nowhere. But make no mistake, hideously ugly clothes have to be manufactured, sold and promoted just like anything else. And, since most of them are too unsightly to make it past any decent department store buyer, they have to be sold through catalogues like International Male.
Based in New Jersey (naturally), IM was apparently still relevant when it launched in the 1980s, but since then has somehow morphed into a male Victoria’s Secret featuring some of the ugliest clothes ever to grace glossy pages.
Unfortunately for all lovers of Fraunch, the magazine is closing shop to join its subsidiary undergear.com in the rough-and-tumble world of underwear journalism.
More on the demise of International Male»
ALL
TAGS
Mashups of high and low fashion will always have a certain high-concept appeal, but it shouldn’t stop us from distinguishing between a good idea and a bad idea. And high-top wingtips are certainly the latter. Luckily, like pachinko and monster attacks, these unfortunate creations are currently confined to Japan, where they will hopefully remain. (We’re looking at you, Kanye.)
Further explanation of this strange phenomenon»
ALL
TAGS
We’ve been waiting for the second coming of the cummerbund, but we didn’t think it would look like this.
This Japanese belly warmer, called a haramaki, is threatening to go mainstream. Adapted from a piece of samurai armor, the midriff scarf’s popularity is currently limited to bikers, skiers and the pregnant. While that may not seem like fertile crossover territory, it hasn’t stopped the garment from making waves online as the next big thing in layering.
We can easily picture it on a runway, but we offer the following request: Please, please restrain yourselves.
Please.
ALL
TAGS
The world outside prêt-a-porter can be a strange and frightening place. Case in point, this jacket from Aitor Throup. There are fashion statements of all kinds, but when you find yourself stitching rubber skulls to a suit jacket, it may be time to reconsider your aesthetic.
On the plus side, the skulls zip open, so you’ll have somewhere to put your blackberry.
More on Aitor Throup’s memento mori»
ALL
TAGS
We love a good pair of shades, but unfortunately it’s too easy to mess up a good thing. For instance, let’s take an icon, known for its classic simplicity and connection to the past. And then we’ll fold it in half!
They even throw in a hardshell case, which almost makes up for completely missing the point.
Saks Fifth Ave [via Uncrate]
ALL
TAGS
With backdoor health benefits becoming more and more common in products, it was only a matter of time before someone offered to sell happiness in a bottle. And, as you might have expected, it’s both hilarious and terrifying.
The French company Happy Therapy has come out with a line of scents called Smiley that are designed to chemically induce happiness, blending fragrance and what could charitably be called “aromatherapy.” Not only will they give you a joy-inducing scent, but you’ll be breathing in stress-relieving chemicals all day, with calming names like phenylethylamine and theobromine.
The marginally-translated website is even more ominous»
ALL
TAGS
Playing with classics can be risky, so when John Varvatos relaunched Chuck Taylors, we knew there would be some imitators. But we didn’t expect this.
A product of the Virtual Shoe Museum, the “Converse Extension 1” is the first fusion of shoe and pants we’ve seen that didn’t seem like it should be worn with a surgical mask »
ALL
TAGS
It takes a certain kind of mind to create a wearable desk. The obvious problems—like going outside or interacting with others—have to go completely overlooked through every stage of the production process. Then again, it only takes one person to say yes, so while brighter minds are working on new ways to wear houndstooth, hk-ergonomics is taking us one step closer to being cyborgs.
The Hip Office is essentially a back brace with arms »
ALL
TAGS
Members Only, everyone’s favorite 80s scapegoat, is re-launching today under the watchful eye of Kelli Delaney, alumnus of such esteemed publications as Allure, Glamour, and that pinnacle of fashion wisdom, Us Weekly. But more interesting are the places she hasn’t worked. Not only is this Delaney’s first foray into the production side of the business, she had no connection whatsoever with the 80s incarnation of Members Only.
In other words, it’s the clothing equivalent of Tab Energy »
ALL
TAGS
In another chapter in the contentious, controversial dialog over men’s jewelry, the Wall Street Journal reveals that, “sales of men’s bling have taken off, nearly doubling from 2004 to 2006 and reaching $6 billion
in the U.S.” No suckers, The Journal intimates that perhaps these figures have as much to do with clever luxury promotion and the recent crests in middle-class ostentation as true style. According to one expert, the trend has moved from hipsters and rappers to, “orthodontists in New Jersey,”—a tipping point or a death knell. Russell Simmons , with a somewhat different perspective, says he’s never seen, “a more untapped market.”
More on the questionable trend »
ALL
TAGS
The January issue of Esquire does its readers a grave disservice in the innocent guise of giving advice about getting one’s ladyfriends liquored up. In its typical smarmy, overly-verbose style, the magazine’s “Man At His Best” section offers a primer on cognac, capped with the following: “The January Dilemma No. 1: Your Date, Though Curious, Doesn’t Want to Sip Cognac Neat.” It goes on to suggest feeding the unsuspecting female an emetic concoction consisting of cognac and cr‚àö¬Æme de menthe. They don’t give it a name, but we think “The Ipecac” suits it perfectly. The mag also inexplicably counsels readers to use perfectly good Rémy Martin Louis XIII for the mixture, which at $1,500+ per bottle is a little pricey to be dumping a bunch of mouthwash into.
The Kempt solution »
ALL
TAGS
The line between men’s and women’s dress shoes has traditionally been more of a moat. You cross it at your own peril. Of course, Manolo Blahnik has been feeling bulletproof lately, so he’s trying a jump or two.
What strange beast slouches towards Kensington to be born? Apparently it’s an open-toed oxford.
For the second daring feat
well, mandals are involved.
Maybe we should just be grateful he had the decency to stick with flats.
Luxist [via Vogue UK]
ALL
TAGS
Functional clothing is a gamble. On one hand, wool hats are both stylish and effective. We all need socks, so they never go out of style.
But as Stephen Fry will tell you, form and function are very closely linked, and when you shoot for just one, you usually end up missing both.
That’s when something like this happens. »
ALL
TAGS
Bag Men: Seems the yabbos over in England are wrapping themselves up in the the latest in visual intimidation—the Goggle Jacket. Apparently an evolution on some very idiosyncratic athletic gear, the British press—charming monster that it is—has cast the face-hiding anorak as a impending public threat (despite no evidence of its criminal use.)
In the same vein, the the London Times has added another level of terror for a English public already weary of Islamic signifiers by labeling the whole plastic mess the “Burqa for boys.” “The trouble in society,” says one quoted expert, “is not just crime but the fear of crime, and this new jacket is enough to give anyone a shiver down their spine.” Indeed, camo prints have always sent us running for the hills and we never really got over our childhood fear of C.O.B.R.A.
ALL
TAGS
“Pants! They’re back! People are wearing pants! It sounds dimly like a fashion-news parody…”
Considering that this little moment of self-effacement comes from the same paper of record and author that recently declared neckties to be back “in,” it’s hard to take David Colman’s piece “Mr. Jeans Meets Mr. Pants” as parodic. Really, what’s the next hot item from the New York Times—collared shirts? Socks?
ALL
TAGS
I guess we can’t blame Fall for being fashionably late, but thanks to its careless sense of punctuality, we’ve had to endure two superfluous months of the men’s plunging v-neck tee—fashion’s recent, misguided ode to the dude sternum.
For the over-hip, under-dressed, strategically-disheveled American Apparel shareholder who thinks this looks good, we’re tired of seeing you walk around SoHo with that extra-large Famous Ray’s pizza slice cut out from your neckline. You’re better than that. Let’s move on to the cashmere crewnecks and corduroy sport coats of the world. And let’s hope come next September, we don’t have to have this discussion again.
-M.S.
ALL
TAGS